The weekend

It is about 5:30. The weekend was long.

Tina's shoulder is absolutely 100% better with 0 pain. Now, if we could get mine to that place...

Tyler and I had a great conversation last night about pastoral gifting. It was pretty cool.

Yesterday's meeting was very cool and I will write about it later on today.

The highlight of the last few days was the beginning of the cellar work. My friend Morgan came over and helped break down walls in preparation for the RID-U guys to come in. On Saturday Dave and his crew showed up and began with the jack hammers and the installation of the new system. We filmed a lot of the weekend and I will be posting that as well.

I am putting up some pictures of all this.

And still a day later I am getting caught up. Met with Frank yesterday and that was fun.

Busy week

On Tuesday I went and saw a number of clients, in preparation of getting Tina up to DMH on Wed. We went up there. The treatment appears to be a success. She had virtually o pain the rest of the day. Said she slept well.

I have spent a lot of time on the basement getting it ready for the work being done on Saturday. David will be here tomorrow to finalize. The brochure will be readied. We received two calls yesterday about RID-U. That is pretty exciting. Frank will be setting up Saturday morning to film. So, Tyler and I have a lot of work to accomplish getting ready.

Kids stopped over last night. It was a good night.

Not much sleep

Yesterday I got very little sleep as the grand children spent the night and Jacob spent the night in our bed from 1AM. Funny. About the same time I stopped getting sleep...Headed over to Village and spent the day there as we had our first school of the prophets class.
A great day.

perhaps you have...

While much of my day was spent running around for business, I did get to devote a little time to thought.

Perhaps you have wondered what has happened to values in our lives. Perhaps you think about them as if they never can return. And then last night I was asked to watch a video. I share it below.

http://www.foxnews.com/video2/video08.html?maven_referralObject=3812488&maven_referralPlaylistId=&sRevUrl=http://www.foxnews.com/

What was going on for you on 9-12-01. For me, my wife and I were in Indiana as my mom neared the end of her life. Jets soared overhead and the National Guard was out in the city my mom lived in. We were glued to the TV, as it was clear we had A-been attacked and B-were responding in love and kindness.

That video last night brought me to the reminder that we are here for a purpose and that purpose is to do what we are called to do.

This morning I watched Hannah Teter as she can not compete because of a wounded shoulder(Sounds like Tina and I!) and I thought how frustrated she must be as she can not do what God has created her for. (BTW-I see her as an advocate for young women in the coming days.)

When we do not do what we are created to do we are frustrated. We do stupid things and say we "are bored." Jesus is not boring, nor is the life of a Christian walking with God.

Consider that this day.

Right living.

Tina had time off from work, and I drove her up to her test at DMH. They said she has carpal tunnel stuff going on and minor nerve damage.

Pretty good day. Beautiful weather. Snow melting off.

I spent a lot of time thinking about the whole issue of separation in the church.

The last few days have been days of pondering and meditation. I have watched once again division raise it's ugly head over the issues of divorce, grace or lack of it, and the like.

So, here we are, the church that wants to bring in the lost, when it seems like so many in the church need help. As one who was divorced twice prior to my Christianity, I feel this first hand. I feel tremendous compassion for the loss of a relationship. And I recognize both sides of the story.

In my first marriage, I was a drunk and a drug user. With one child, our life was hell. Oh, I was successful with business and the like. And when I got sober and asked not to be subjected to alcohol it got weird. But it was my fault. I tried to bring about recovery and reconciliation but it did not happen.

Four or five years later I remarried. My youngest daughter was born prematurely and I spent the next year of my life at Dartmouth Hospital. While I was working a million hours my wife developed outside interests. And the next thing I knew I was in divorce. During that time I developed my relationship with the Lord Jesus.

Both times were very painful. And my kids did and continue to suffer for it. Were I to do it over, I would. Not that I am not happily married, but I have watched the thought process that goes on in children of divorced parents. Pain. Oh, they will overcome in some areas, but as parents do we want to cause pain?

Now, I also believe in the principle of grace. Divorce is not the unforgivable sin.

Yet, I would share another story. When I was a young pastor, I was befriended by another pastor who sowed heavily into my life. And then one day he took off with a friend's wife and left the area. And myself and other pastors who were involved with him watched divorces spring up. Leaders, parishioners. I had 4 divorces in our church alone. Why did they do it? Because leaders did. (Now I have a whole bigger thought about leaders that will come up some other time.)

Let me share the results 10 years later.
Couple A-Mom had an affair and her kids hate her. Dad died a few years ago (Having multiple affairs) leaving two beautiful girls totally screwed up.
Couple B-Father is a convicted sex offender. Mother has remarried and is not happy. Daughter 1 in jail. Daughter 2-has 3 children by 2 different fathers, none who are involved.
Couple C-Leader cheats on wife. Takes off. Mother is going through multiple relationships. Kids screwed up.
Couple D-Mom screams. Dad Leaves. Mom has been involved with at least 5 men that I am aware of . Father is most stable and is active with alcohol. Oldest child is promiscuous. Middle child molested younger daughter. Youngest is in la la land.

I could go on and on. The point is, divorce is usually selfish. It does no one any good and it is clear why God hates it. Now, He does not hate people but the practice.

And so, I watched TB as he remarries and leaves a nation bewildered. Many believe that grace is there(I do believe in grace.) and forget and go on. As one involved in divorce, you never really go on. And the pieces of a broken marriage are forever. And as a leader, public rebuke was necessary, but let's get away from the show. Yes, we hold leaders to a higher standard.

But, after him and his family, here who will pay the price. The church. People will get divorced because TB did. And pastors are on the hot seat. Counsel someone wrong and you get sued.

And the real losers. The lost. While we fight battles in the church and allow others to be selfish and hold bitterness and not call believers to a higher standard, we lose and then they lose.

People look at the church and laugh. They are not looking for holiness. They do not know what that is. But they know what right living is. And we need to move towards that. Right living.

Watching the world go by

Yesterday, I traveled the area after hanging out some of the morning with Tina. We had lunch together and then Alyssa had me get Jacob.

And so, I have watched the world go by, as they say. Trying to see what next steps are in faith, business, etc.. I am preparing for this weekend as we begin our school for the prophets at Village Church.

I am reading many of the letters having to do with fallen economies, ministries, broken businesses and the like. The scriptures say that the world will shake. I think as many, we would have to be blind to what is going on. And so we watch and pray as so many others do.

Delivery day

Yesterday I spent time with Brian L while we delivered papers. It was good fellowship, with a lot of time spent talking about life and family and the future. And all my connections for papers were made.

Last night the kids were here for a while and it was great. We spent time just hanging out.

Tina is home for the day. Lots of work to do.

A letter I wrote yesterday.

Dear friends-

It has been a few months since my last letter. The Lord has been dealing with me over loss.

I have come to the conclusion that you can not have loss if you do not have gain, You must have something to lose.
Ouch!

When I was very young, my grandmother died. She was the love of my young life. Always kind, patient and interested in me. She was taken to the hospital for a stroke. Because I was so young, I was not allowed in. She died while I was in the car with my father. It haunted me for many years. I remember my fear of death as a young child as my mom tried to explain that we "all die." I remember crying and screaming at it. I could not see it. For many years I had bad dreams about death. Not too many months later, my grandfather died. In the middle of the night I heard "his death." I got up and walked out to tell my parents of his death. And he was. Now my perception of him was very different than that of my grandmother. And yet it was still painful.

In my life I work hard to make sure people know the truth about Jesus as the result of that conversation. Overtime, some might say. And as time speeds up, there are more and more "frights" that people are faced with. I have seen many deal with real issues of the heart. Just as the scriptures have indicated. Letting fear grip our hearts is not unusual with economies and the news of today, and yet as believers we are called to a place of trust. Only yesterday, I spoke with a believer who was struggling with trust in Him.

Most of you know that I have a grandson, who is in many regards, the apple of my eye. He has recently taken to jumping off the coffee table. He only does it with me. He climbs on the table and falls into my arms. Partial trust, for him, I do not think is an option. He does not waver, but comes off the table with purpose. I think he is my example of trust.

Do I trust like that? "Well, it depends" is an answer that circulates the church. But as the economy shakes and the world rolls, that answer may need to be countered. Only this morning, I saw that depression can cause heart attacks in a test of women. It brings to our minds "why depression?" I think the answer may be lack of trust.

Depression is something as an unbeliever that I experienced. Dreams of death and destruction plagued my dreams for many years. I drank and drugged my way to "oblivion" that never came. Oh, there were a few visits to the hospital for overdoses and the like, but oblivion never came. I pursued religion with all my heart. I carried worry stones and drank teas and I did everything I could find to visit peace. I built stores that were to supply people with peace.

And so, taking more meds for depression and anxiety than should be given, I came to the cross. And within a few years I was given to a place of peace and withdrew from my meds.

Now my walk with Lord has not always been a fun one. And yet on the other hand I trust. Last week, I saw jubilee in the form of a wrongful attachment to our home forgiven. That wrong the Lord righted. I have not carried bitterness and I have worked to BLESS my enemies. Did it ever occur to you to bless your enemies? This is God’s way of protecting yourself from curses spoken by others against you. If, on the other hand, you have bitterness, unforgiveness, hatred, and anger in your heart against your antagonist, YOU ARE MAKING A LANDING STRIP FOR THE CURSE TO ALIGHT!

And so my life has been full. I saw my mom and dad come to the Lord before their deaths. I learned to cry over real deals. (I joke that I never cried until I took on ministry.) I cried so hard when my pets died I could not believe it. And so imagine my surprise when yesterday, I watched my daughter and three grandchildren move out, pain gripped my heart. They are not moving out of town, but I will sure miss Jacob coming up the stairs to "read" to me each morning from a book on ducklings. Or Jordan coming up early Saturday morning to hang out. Or Mariah cuddling up when no one else is around. I hurt! What is this? I moped all day even as people called for help. I lost my energy. Today is a little better, but there is no little one running to me. So, tears are here as I write.

Tina told me that she saw Alyssa in the store and the kids and Jacob was looking for me. It is hard.

So, do I trust? Yes! Will I allow the devil to get the upper hand? No!

We are in weird times. As the scriptures say, "some may trust in horses, some may trust in chariots, but we will trust in the name of the Lord." We can not depend on government to do what we will not do for ourselves. We can not walk around with our hands out and our heads down. We must trust. I do not think there is a middle of the road trust with God. I think it is all or nothing to reach peace. You may differ, but at least consider this. Has partial trust in those areas you are "learning to trust" in getting any better? Mine did not. It was hand over and trust.

Each one has a battle today. The results are "can we overcome?" I think so, even if we move at one minute at a time. We need to slow down to hear God. And He wants to give us step by step instructions to protect us from destruction.

Please consider it as you walk through this day.

Missing kids

Last night here was pretty lonely. Alyssa and the grandchildren moved out yesterday. Nearly 2 years. I am gong to miss the early rising of them and the good nights.

Not much to say. All I did was mope missing them.

Busy weekend

It was busy weekend for us.

I spent Saturday morning with my friends, Mike and Bryan, discussing the upcoming campaign and strategies. Got home for a few minutes and then off to visit with long time friends, Darryl & Martha. We had a great reunion and talked about the future a lot. What God was doing with all of us. After nearly three hours they were off to the north country.

Alyssa was in the process of moving so spending a lot of time with the kids.

Yesterday morning we were off to Swanzey, with children in hand. Denise's topic was forgiveness. A good morning. Then back home and took the kids out on a beautiful day. Saw 2 motorcycles...better than robins.

Today we have snow...

to get up or not to get up

This morning though the call of coffee and work are in my head, I am choosing to "work" from here. To not get up!

This morning I was thinking about my childhood. Perhaps it will turn to thread of some type. When I was 7-8 I used to mow lawns and shovel driveways for money. I remember buying seeds and the like to sell to the neighbors. I never wanted to "not work" and I loved it. Oh, I played. It is just that there was something satisfying about work. I think I was a normal kid if there is any such thing. I played sports and hung out with the neighborhood kids. We had a large yard and all the kids would come to play baseball or football. We did not wear helmets and nobody died. We rode to Powers Pond in the summer to swim. By ourselves and nobody drowned.

There were some good kids in my neighborhood. Tomas and Stefan lived one street up. A street called Surry Drive. David and Robin lived in the next house up. Susan and Amy next door. Ted and Natalie across the street. Tom, Ed and Jackie below them. Susan and Gigi lived at the bottom of this street. We sledded together and skated together in the winter.

In some respects it was a pretty weird neighborhood. Sunday mornings some would head off to Catholic church and others off to Congregational or Episcopalian churches in the community. We lived in suburbia. Sunday mornings a there was an old man named Brad and he would start at the Johnsons and work his way home in his 55 Chevy drinking with the neighbors. His wife was our babysitter while our mom worked as a teacher. e would always bring exciting things over like a large eel that had been caught in the turbine at the water company he worked at. Blue skinned from the copper sulfate, he would take it on home to have his wife cook. 5 miles an hour he would head that blue car home. Their house was like a mini village. Outbuildings and animals. You could get lost. All the neighbors expected him. Stopping at each house, by the time he arrived at our home he was pretty sloshed. And his wife was rough. She weighed a real lot and she was nearsighted, and here she was trying to take care of 4 kids. We gave her a really hard time. One time I put a frog in the toilet before she got upstairs to use the bathroom. I still get hysterical remembering her screaming.

Over the years I played sports like Little League with the Angels and the Mets(My dad coached) and ultimately Trap Rock with Chief Hartigan. I played Biddy Basketball and at one point wrecked my knee. I remember watching them draw the fluid off. But we never worried about hurt as there was always a tomorrow. The trophies of league wins and foul shooting contests always stood before us as a place to head to. When the foul shooting contest was coming up, my dad installed a spotlight so we could practice well into the night at that hoop on the side of the garage. One time we were playing baseball and Ed was acting way to serious so I found an egg and slimed him. He chased me all over the field. But we were kids. And kids hung out.

Maybe some more on this tomorrow.

Yesterday did not start out so well for me. An argument set me off crooked, but things worked together. Tina and I went and had coffee and then on to a business meeting for the paper and it was a good day.

Frustration

There are few things that bother me more than disrespect and loss of time. This week I have been on the run, due to circumstances. Part is due to the economy and part is due to the time of year. And here is my wife on vacation and I do not even have time to see her.

So, I contemplate is frustration...anger? Anxiety? And I do not have an answer yet. And who is causing the frustration? My own actions? The enemy of my soul? Or even God who keeps me from things that might not be good?

A few years ago I read a book that talked about the 5 languages of love. My language is time. It always evades me and it it requires that I work to not lose it or waste it. Another book revealed I "fear" the loss of time.

And so, the deadline (A weird word for a person consumed by time.) for my paper is today. And I am off to ake the donuts.

A "WOW" day

Yesterday, I decided to visit friends for breakfast in Keene. It was a great time in im. We laughed, shared and enjoyed each others company. After that, I took off and visited a fellow leader, sharing about the goodness of God. Then on to a mens lunch. As I got into the room, I felt the spirit of the Lord drop heavily on myself. AS others came in, they were affected. The conversation involved politics, standing up and whether Christians ought to be involved. Then from there I went to interview a man for our Christian newspaper. It was good meeting an then on to home. I came home to catch up on calls, etc..

Why a "WOW" day. Because in the middle of it my wife called to tell me that one of the battles over finance we had faced had resolved. When we bought our home, the lawyer screwed up. And from there we ended up with an "illegal" loan as determined by the court. We thought we were "home free," so to speak. What we found out later was that our lawyer blew it again, and a court person had some how managed to find the decision null and void. We never knew that. Imagine our surprise when last year we received a letter demanding $11,000 from a loan that we thought was illegal and had been transformed to a legal document. BUT...yesterday we received an official letter of release. Yippee! So, one more chapter of this purchase has been resolved. On to the next one.

Hurting people

Last night, my friend Mike and I went to meet with young couple. I took them out to eat and get some coffee. Why? Because the church that had employed them as pastors turned them loose with no warning. Middle of winter, etc.. Their home was the parsonage. Their family included a 3 month old child. Now, I had probably should have been surprised but I have seen this so many times in this town it makes my head hurt. What defines success as a minister? I can no longer go there. So, 5 people are displaced by a board that needs to be replaced in my humble opinion. On the other hand I was allowed to speak life, prophesy to the down trodden and help them begin healing and rebuilding.

More and more it reminds me of why I must contend for reformation of the church.

Tina and I are headed out to vote and then I have a meeting to discuss politics. Hmmmm.

Waiting for answers on our altar pricing and working on getting paperwork, etc., done.

Monday snow

We are enjoying the fact that we are the most snow-less in the region. And that kind of suits me just fine.

Today is a day of catching up and hanging out with Tina. Lots of work to do so we will work on the small stuff.

Our friends from Connecticut, Inner Acts joined us yesterday and hung out. We love Phil and Wendy and what they do and they did not let us down. They went with us to VC and took the temperature of the place. Not different than I thought, but certainly they know the answers to questions most have not answered. Brian joined us and it was great. Got home about 4. Hung out with kids and just had fun.

So, what do I do with all their information? Not sure. I certainly identify with what they say. What do you do with a church full of hurt? Guys like me tend to fall on the Jesus side. But how do you get people to Jesus? How do you get people to trust to want help. These were the three words they had. Distant, broken, shut in. Hard to build a team on that! So part of my day is spent in percolation mode. I certainly have more than enough to do!