Pastor Lee Johndrow

The weekend

2009-03-23T03:00:00.000-07:00

It is about 5:30. The weekend was long.

Tina's shoulder is absolutely 100% better with 0 pain. Now, if we could get mine to that place...

Tyler and I had a great conversation last night about pastoral gifting. It was pretty cool.

Yesterday's meeting was very cool and I will write about it later on today.

The highlight of the last few days was the beginning of the cellar work. My friend Morgan came over and helped break down walls in preparation for the RID-U guys to come in. On Saturday Dave and his crew showed up and began with the jack hammers and the installation of the new system. We filmed a lot of the weekend and I will be posting that as well.

I am putting up some pictures of all this.

And still a day later I am getting caught up. Met with Frank yesterday and that was fun.

Busy week

2009-03-18T03:29:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday I went and saw a number of clients, in preparation of getting Tina up to DMH on Wed. We went up there. The treatment appears to be a success. She had virtually o pain the rest of the day. Said she slept well.

I have spent a lot of time on the basement getting it ready for the work being done on Saturday. David will be here tomorrow to finalize. The brochure will be readied. We received two calls yesterday about RID-U. That is pretty exciting. Frank will be setting up Saturday morning to film. So, Tyler and I have a lot of work to accomplish getting ready.

Kids stopped over last night. It was a good night.

Not much sleep

2009-03-16T04:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I got very little sleep as the grand children spent the night and Jacob spent the night in our bed from 1AM. Funny. About the same time I stopped getting sleep...Headed over to Village and spent the day there as we had our first school of the prophets class.
A great day.

perhaps you have...

2009-03-14T03:13:00.000-07:00

While much of my day was spent running around for business, I did get to devote a little time to thought.

Perhaps you have wondered what has happened to values in our lives. Perhaps you think about them as if they never can return. And then last night I was asked to watch a video. I share it below.

http://www.foxnews.com/video2/video08.html?maven_referralObject=3812488&maven_referralPlaylistId=&sRevUrl=http://www.foxnews.com/

What was going on for you on 9-12-01. For me, my wife and I were in Indiana as my mom neared the end of her life. Jets soared overhead and the National Guard was out in the city my mom lived in. We were glued to the TV, as it was clear we had A-been attacked and B-were responding in love and kindness.

That video last night brought me to the reminder that we are here for a purpose and that purpose is to do what we are called to do.

This morning I watched Hannah Teter as she can not compete because of a wounded shoulder(Sounds like Tina and I!) and I thought how frustrated she must be as she can not do what God has created her for. (BTW-I see her as an advocate for young women in the coming days.)

When we do not do what we are created to do we are frustrated. We do stupid things and say we "are bored." Jesus is not boring, nor is the life of a Christian walking with God.

Consider that this day.

Right living.

2009-03-13T04:37:00.000-07:00

Tina had time off from work, and I drove her up to her test at DMH. They said she has carpal tunnel stuff going on and minor nerve damage.

Pretty good day. Beautiful weather. Snow melting off.

I spent a lot of time thinking about the whole issue of separation in the church.

The last few days have been days of pondering and meditation. I have watched once again division raise it's ugly head over the issues of divorce, grace or lack of it, and the like.

So, here we are, the church that wants to bring in the lost, when it seems like so many in the church need help. As one who was divorced twice prior to my Christianity, I feel this first hand. I feel tremendous compassion for the loss of a relationship. And I recognize both sides of the story.

In my first marriage, I was a drunk and a drug user. With one child, our life was hell. Oh, I was successful with business and the like. And when I got sober and asked not to be subjected to alcohol it got weird. But it was my fault. I tried to bring about recovery and reconciliation but it did not happen.

Four or five years later I remarried. My youngest daughter was born prematurely and I spent the next year of my life at Dartmouth Hospital. While I was working a million hours my wife developed outside interests. And the next thing I knew I was in divorce. During that time I developed my relationship with the Lord Jesus.

Both times were very painful. And my kids did and continue to suffer for it. Were I to do it over, I would. Not that I am not happily married, but I have watched the thought process that goes on in children of divorced parents. Pain. Oh, they will overcome in some areas, but as parents do we want to cause pain?

Now, I also believe in the principle of grace. Divorce is not the unforgivable sin.

Yet, I would share another story. When I was a young pastor, I was befriended by another pastor who sowed heavily into my life. And then one day he took off with a friend's wife and left the area. And myself and other pastors who were involved with him watched divorces spring up. Leaders, parishioners. I had 4 divorces in our church alone. Why did they do it? Because leaders did. (Now I have a whole bigger thought about leaders that will come up some other time.)

Let me share the results 10 years later.
Couple A-Mom had an affair and her kids hate her. Dad died a few years ago (Having multiple affairs) leaving two beautiful girls totally screwed up.
Couple B-Father is a convicted sex offender. Mother has remarried and is not happy. Daughter 1 in jail. Daughter 2-has 3 children by 2 different fathers, none who are involved.
Couple C-Leader cheats on wife. Takes off. Mother is going through multiple relationships. Kids screwed up.
Couple D-Mom screams. Dad Leaves. Mom has been involved with at least 5 men that I am aware of . Father is most stable and is active with alcohol. Oldest child is promiscuous. Middle child molested younger daughter. Youngest is in la la land.

I could go on and on. The point is, divorce is usually selfish. It does no one any good and it is clear why God hates it. Now, He does not hate people but the practice.

And so, I watched TB as he remarries and leaves a nation bewildered. Many believe that grace is there(I do believe in grace.) and forget and go on. As one involved in divorce, you never really go on. And the pieces of a broken marriage are forever. And as a leader, public rebuke was necessary, but let's get away from the show. Yes, we hold leaders to a higher standard.

But, after him and his family, here who will pay the price. The church. People will get divorced because TB did. And pastors are on the hot seat. Counsel someone wrong and you get sued.

And the real losers. The lost. While we fight battles in the church and allow others to be selfish and hold bitterness and not call believers to a higher standard, we lose and then they lose.

People look at the church and laugh. They are not looking for holiness. They do not know what that is. But they know what right living is. And we need to move towards that. Right living.

Watching the world go by

2009-03-12T04:10:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I traveled the area after hanging out some of the morning with Tina. We had lunch together and then Alyssa had me get Jacob.

And so, I have watched the world go by, as they say. Trying to see what next steps are in faith, business, etc.. I am preparing for this weekend as we begin our school for the prophets at Village Church.

I am reading many of the letters having to do with fallen economies, ministries, broken businesses and the like. The scriptures say that the world will shake. I think as many, we would have to be blind to what is going on. And so we watch and pray as so many others do.

Delivery day

2009-03-11T03:46:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I spent time with Brian L while we delivered papers. It was good fellowship, with a lot of time spent talking about life and family and the future. And all my connections for papers were made.

Last night the kids were here for a while and it was great. We spent time just hanging out.

Tina is home for the day. Lots of work to do.

A letter I wrote yesterday.

Dear friends-

It has been a few months since my last letter. The Lord has been dealing with me over loss.

I have come to the conclusion that you can not have loss if you do not have gain, You must have something to lose.
Ouch!

When I was very young, my grandmother died. She was the love of my young life. Always kind, patient and interested in me. She was taken to the hospital for a stroke. Because I was so young, I was not allowed in. She died while I was in the car with my father. It haunted me for many years. I remember my fear of death as a young child as my mom tried to explain that we "all die." I remember crying and screaming at it. I could not see it. For many years I had bad dreams about death. Not too many months later, my grandfather died. In the middle of the night I heard "his death." I got up and walked out to tell my parents of his death. And he was. Now my perception of him was very different than that of my grandmother. And yet it was still painful.

In my life I work hard to make sure people know the truth about Jesus as the result of that conversation. Overtime, some might say. And as time speeds up, there are more and more "frights" that people are faced with. I have seen many deal with real issues of the heart. Just as the scriptures have indicated. Letting fear grip our hearts is not unusual with economies and the news of today, and yet as believers we are called to a place of trust. Only yesterday, I spoke with a believer who was struggling with trust in Him.

Most of you know that I have a grandson, who is in many regards, the apple of my eye. He has recently taken to jumping off the coffee table. He only does it with me. He climbs on the table and falls into my arms. Partial trust, for him, I do not think is an option. He does not waver, but comes off the table with purpose. I think he is my example of trust.

Do I trust like that? "Well, it depends" is an answer that circulates the church. But as the economy shakes and the world rolls, that answer may need to be countered. Only this morning, I saw that depression can cause heart attacks in a test of women. It brings to our minds "why depression?" I think the answer may be lack of trust.

Depression is something as an unbeliever that I experienced. Dreams of death and destruction plagued my dreams for many years. I drank and drugged my way to "oblivion" that never came. Oh, there were a few visits to the hospital for overdoses and the like, but oblivion never came. I pursued religion with all my heart. I carried worry stones and drank teas and I did everything I could find to visit peace. I built stores that were to supply people with peace.

And so, taking more meds for depression and anxiety than should be given, I came to the cross. And within a few years I was given to a place of peace and withdrew from my meds.

Now my walk with Lord has not always been a fun one. And yet on the other hand I trust. Last week, I saw jubilee in the form of a wrongful attachment to our home forgiven. That wrong the Lord righted. I have not carried bitterness and I have worked to BLESS my enemies. Did it ever occur to you to bless your enemies? This is God’s way of protecting yourself from curses spoken by others against you. If, on the other hand, you have bitterness, unforgiveness, hatred, and anger in your heart against your antagonist, YOU ARE MAKING A LANDING STRIP FOR THE CURSE TO ALIGHT!

And so my life has been full. I saw my mom and dad come to the Lord before their deaths. I learned to cry over real deals. (I joke that I never cried until I took on ministry.) I cried so hard when my pets died I could not believe it. And so imagine my surprise when yesterday, I watched my daughter and three grandchildren move out, pain gripped my heart. They are not moving out of town, but I will sure miss Jacob coming up the stairs to "read" to me each morning from a book on ducklings. Or Jordan coming up early Saturday morning to hang out. Or Mariah cuddling up when no one else is around. I hurt! What is this? I moped all day even as people called for help. I lost my energy. Today is a little better, but there is no little one running to me. So, tears are here as I write.

Tina told me that she saw Alyssa in the store and the kids and Jacob was looking for me. It is hard.

So, do I trust? Yes! Will I allow the devil to get the upper hand? No!

We are in weird times. As the scriptures say, "some may trust in horses, some may trust in chariots, but we will trust in the name of the Lord." We can not depend on government to do what we will not do for ourselves. We can not walk around with our hands out and our heads down. We must trust. I do not think there is a middle of the road trust with God. I think it is all or nothing to reach peace. You may differ, but at least consider this. Has partial trust in those areas you are "learning to trust" in getting any better? Mine did not. It was hand over and trust.

Each one has a battle today. The results are "can we overcome?" I think so, even if we move at one minute at a time. We need to slow down to hear God. And He wants to give us step by step instructions to protect us from destruction.

Please consider it as you walk through this day.

Missing kids

2009-03-10T03:00:00.001-07:00

Last night here was pretty lonely. Alyssa and the grandchildren moved out yesterday. Nearly 2 years. I am gong to miss the early rising of them and the good nights.

Not much to say. All I did was mope missing them.

Busy weekend

2009-03-09T02:54:00.000-07:00

It was busy weekend for us.

I spent Saturday morning with my friends, Mike and Bryan, discussing the upcoming campaign and strategies. Got home for a few minutes and then off to visit with long time friends, Darryl & Martha. We had a great reunion and talked about the future a lot. What God was doing with all of us. After nearly three hours they were off to the north country.

Alyssa was in the process of moving so spending a lot of time with the kids.

Yesterday morning we were off to Swanzey, with children in hand. Denise's topic was forgiveness. A good morning. Then back home and took the kids out on a beautiful day. Saw 2 motorcycles...better than robins.

Today we have snow...

to get up or not to get up

2009-03-07T02:51:00.000-08:00

This morning though the call of coffee and work are in my head, I am choosing to "work" from here. To not get up!

This morning I was thinking about my childhood. Perhaps it will turn to thread of some type. When I was 7-8 I used to mow lawns and shovel driveways for money. I remember buying seeds and the like to sell to the neighbors. I never wanted to "not work" and I loved it. Oh, I played. It is just that there was something satisfying about work. I think I was a normal kid if there is any such thing. I played sports and hung out with the neighborhood kids. We had a large yard and all the kids would come to play baseball or football. We did not wear helmets and nobody died. We rode to Powers Pond in the summer to swim. By ourselves and nobody drowned.

There were some good kids in my neighborhood. Tomas and Stefan lived one street up. A street called Surry Drive. David and Robin lived in the next house up. Susan and Amy next door. Ted and Natalie across the street. Tom, Ed and Jackie below them. Susan and Gigi lived at the bottom of this street. We sledded together and skated together in the winter.

In some respects it was a pretty weird neighborhood. Sunday mornings some would head off to Catholic church and others off to Congregational or Episcopalian churches in the community. We lived in suburbia. Sunday mornings a there was an old man named Brad and he would start at the Johnsons and work his way home in his 55 Chevy drinking with the neighbors. His wife was our babysitter while our mom worked as a teacher. e would always bring exciting things over like a large eel that had been caught in the turbine at the water company he worked at. Blue skinned from the copper sulfate, he would take it on home to have his wife cook. 5 miles an hour he would head that blue car home. Their house was like a mini village. Outbuildings and animals. You could get lost. All the neighbors expected him. Stopping at each house, by the time he arrived at our home he was pretty sloshed. And his wife was rough. She weighed a real lot and she was nearsighted, and here she was trying to take care of 4 kids. We gave her a really hard time. One time I put a frog in the toilet before she got upstairs to use the bathroom. I still get hysterical remembering her screaming.

Over the years I played sports like Little League with the Angels and the Mets(My dad coached) and ultimately Trap Rock with Chief Hartigan. I played Biddy Basketball and at one point wrecked my knee. I remember watching them draw the fluid off. But we never worried about hurt as there was always a tomorrow. The trophies of league wins and foul shooting contests always stood before us as a place to head to. When the foul shooting contest was coming up, my dad installed a spotlight so we could practice well into the night at that hoop on the side of the garage. One time we were playing baseball and Ed was acting way to serious so I found an egg and slimed him. He chased me all over the field. But we were kids. And kids hung out.

Maybe some more on this tomorrow.

Yesterday did not start out so well for me. An argument set me off crooked, but things worked together. Tina and I went and had coffee and then on to a business meeting for the paper and it was a good day.

Frustration

2009-03-06T03:08:00.001-08:00

There are few things that bother me more than disrespect and loss of time. This week I have been on the run, due to circumstances. Part is due to the economy and part is due to the time of year. And here is my wife on vacation and I do not even have time to see her.

So, I contemplate is frustration...anger? Anxiety? And I do not have an answer yet. And who is causing the frustration? My own actions? The enemy of my soul? Or even God who keeps me from things that might not be good?

A few years ago I read a book that talked about the 5 languages of love. My language is time. It always evades me and it it requires that I work to not lose it or waste it. Another book revealed I "fear" the loss of time.

And so, the deadline (A weird word for a person consumed by time.) for my paper is today. And I am off to ake the donuts.

A "WOW" day

2009-03-05T04:08:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I decided to visit friends for breakfast in Keene. It was a great time in im. We laughed, shared and enjoyed each others company. After that, I took off and visited a fellow leader, sharing about the goodness of God. Then on to a mens lunch. As I got into the room, I felt the spirit of the Lord drop heavily on myself. AS others came in, they were affected. The conversation involved politics, standing up and whether Christians ought to be involved. Then from there I went to interview a man for our Christian newspaper. It was good meeting an then on to home. I came home to catch up on calls, etc..

Why a "WOW" day. Because in the middle of it my wife called to tell me that one of the battles over finance we had faced had resolved. When we bought our home, the lawyer screwed up. And from there we ended up with an "illegal" loan as determined by the court. We thought we were "home free," so to speak. What we found out later was that our lawyer blew it again, and a court person had some how managed to find the decision null and void. We never knew that. Imagine our surprise when last year we received a letter demanding $11,000 from a loan that we thought was illegal and had been transformed to a legal document. BUT...yesterday we received an official letter of release. Yippee! So, one more chapter of this purchase has been resolved. On to the next one.

Hurting people

2009-03-03T04:27:00.000-08:00

Last night, my friend Mike and I went to meet with young couple. I took them out to eat and get some coffee. Why? Because the church that had employed them as pastors turned them loose with no warning. Middle of winter, etc.. Their home was the parsonage. Their family included a 3 month old child. Now, I had probably should have been surprised but I have seen this so many times in this town it makes my head hurt. What defines success as a minister? I can no longer go there. So, 5 people are displaced by a board that needs to be replaced in my humble opinion. On the other hand I was allowed to speak life, prophesy to the down trodden and help them begin healing and rebuilding.

More and more it reminds me of why I must contend for reformation of the church.

Tina and I are headed out to vote and then I have a meeting to discuss politics. Hmmmm.

Waiting for answers on our altar pricing and working on getting paperwork, etc., done.

Monday snow

2009-03-02T04:35:00.000-08:00

We are enjoying the fact that we are the most snow-less in the region. And that kind of suits me just fine.

Today is a day of catching up and hanging out with Tina. Lots of work to do so we will work on the small stuff.

Our friends from Connecticut, Inner Acts joined us yesterday and hung out. We love Phil and Wendy and what they do and they did not let us down. They went with us to VC and took the temperature of the place. Not different than I thought, but certainly they know the answers to questions most have not answered. Brian joined us and it was great. Got home about 4. Hung out with kids and just had fun.

So, what do I do with all their information? Not sure. I certainly identify with what they say. What do you do with a church full of hurt? Guys like me tend to fall on the Jesus side. But how do you get people to Jesus? How do you get people to trust to want help. These were the three words they had. Distant, broken, shut in. Hard to build a team on that! So part of my day is spent in percolation mode. I certainly have more than enough to do!

A busy day was had by all

2009-02-27T03:03:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was the epitome of busy for me. A 35 page report to be done by noon. Meet sales people, do interviews and spend time on sanity.

Today, I have road trip to Montpelier to do an interview for the New England Flame, coupled with finance meeting.

Long day and I must get ready for it.

Last night after a particularly successful prayer time, I realized like so many of us, I do not spend enough time with it. That is about to change.

A great day

2009-02-25T16:26:00.000-08:00

A great day! What constitutes a great day is different to different people. For me, I had the third person contact in regard to the New England Flame for sales position, as well as interviewed and hired another sales person for the other paper.

As I mentioned yesterday, I got hurt on the ice, and so I began praying for a new shoulder. I have seen so many miracles in my life, surely this one will come to pass. And as I began to meditate on it, while taking a shower, the Lord told me we are all joints. (By what every joint supplies.)There seems to be a correlation to the body not operating in the spiritual that has effect on the body not operating in the natural.

In the next few weeks I will be devoting a lot of my time to teaching a school of the prophets. Our first class in how the interaction of the parts of the body are supposed to work and how they are to interact.

It is clear to me that with few exceptions, the current church does not change many people. People understand that there are to be changes and yet many are still tied up in their junk. I have a saying that in America, we have have been inoculated with Jesus, just enough to make us immune to real thing. It is my heart that we press in for more. But, if it was more prayer and more praying, I think we might have been there already. So, it must be greater than that. It must involve the function of people with one another. And part of that is understanding our gifting and our positioning in the body. It is not enough for me to be a prophetic voice or gift to the body, if I do not understand how to flow with others? If I give words that leave people hanging or not able to move ahead? It is critical that I be "part" of the body. I need you and you need me.

So, today will be spent on paperwork. Ugh!

Delivery day

2009-02-25T02:41:00.001-08:00

Every other week we deliver newspapers for our company. On this day, my friend Brian asked if he could come along. So, we traveled together through out the day dropping papers, talking about the things of Jesus, etc.. And then at one store I took a terrible spill on black ice. Never saw it, never planned for it. One second up, the next down. Pain ripped through my shoulder. Got back in the van and Brian prayed for me. This morning I am feeling a little better.

How was yesterday over all? Exciting in some respects. People contacted me about the Flame and I got some work done. Disappointed in others. People who promised things were unable to produce.

Unlike the fall which was quick and painful, other things in life some times take a moment or two for the pain to sink in. People make choices for today that cause them pain for tomorrow. Part of the problem with being a prophet is that you see things like that before they do. God, I so await the working together of the body and the willingness of people to receive and to make good and Godly decisions.

In two weeks I begin the school. My heart is prophetic teaching, not just revelation but with activation. And so we begin a week from Sunday. Hopefully my friend Randy can play.

Monday, Monday

2009-02-24T03:03:00.000-08:00

Monday was busy. As I try to get a report done for the basement business, I am straight out. Yesterday Brian Shohet, my friend making a run for Congress in 2010, met for coffee at the diner. He is on the solar thing. Energy and jobs are his passion.

From there it was off to meet Bill, take interview phone calls for both the papers. Susan seems to be off and running with things. Perhaps a new guy down in Brattleboro. And then David showed up and we went over paperwork. All of a sudden I was tired. After dinner, I came in and worked till 10:30.

The Lord calls us to a rest, even a double rest as I described of Shunem. It is imperative that I find more time with Him. Today I will be picking up and delivering papers with my friend Brian. Usually, I spend this time with Him.

As the days get longer, and the "doom" hangs over America, I know prayer is the answer and more time spent with Him. It is all in how we plan our days. Finding time is not the answer. Making time to be with Him is critical. David met with Him early. Early insures we have time.

Sunday & The Shunammite

2009-02-23T03:02:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I began studying about the Shunammite woman. She was from a place known as "double rest." What was here double rest? Rest from sin and rest from self. Ceasing from oe's own labors. Sounds like heaven to me! You only come to know Shunam after the threshing floor of the Lord. The Shunammite woman experienced the delivery of her promise (A child) only to lose it to death and regain it by resurrection. She was married to the old man, even though she had the promise, and when the child died here efforts upon her knees availed her nothing.

Lots more to go with that.

We drove to Swanzey and the spirit of the Lord broke out in intercession and words of knowledge for healing and the like. I shared about the prophet Elisha in conjunction with the "great" woman and the constraining of the holy man. We had CHURCH!

And then Morgan brought in the altars he had made so far. Wow!

We then went and hung out with friends as the snow stacked up driving home with accidents all around us. Last night we just hung out with dinner (Some killer mac and cheese!) and had fun.

Men and the like

2009-02-22T02:53:00.000-08:00

Yesterday at a breakfast meeting we dealt with the tough issue of pornography and me. It was 2 plus hour meeting. Great input, etc..Then over to my meeting with Morgan about the altars. We covered all the bases. The pieces themselves, where to get them made when we get more orders coming in and all other things related. Then Brian called and I had to tell him I could not make it. Inner Acts (Phil and Wendy) can not make it because of the snow. Then back home to meet Bill and Dave. Dave brought me all the paper work for the RID-U system. Cass is back from college. Then Tina and I and the family hung out.

Spiritually, I feel like the Lord is saying believe for the best and prepare for the worst. He has given me a message about see, do and constrain. Will share on that tomorrow.

catching up

2009-02-20T02:37:00.000-08:00

This has been a week of catch up. Yesterday I was visiting clients and trying to get articles out for both the bridal and the regular sections of the paper. They are done. Only one more thing to do and the paper is ready. Yippee!

Had a lot of snow but it all melted quickly. Talked to Matt and Cass. Matt is in the dumps and Cass is not feeling well, but will be home this weekend.

I was asked where I thought I fit at VC.. Long talk with Roger, explaining the regional piece. Haven't talked to Tina yet.

Getting very excited about the meeting tomorrow about family altars. We shall see. David is supposed to be coming over about the Rid-U.

Life is interesting

2009-02-19T02:38:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was in the middle of everything being close to done, but not finished I sit here this morning in anticipation of what God wants to do. And I feel it is something big.

I have meditated on many things in recent days. A friend of mine is contemplating pastoral ministry. Fortunately, for him, he is pastoral. So many of us with out the pastoral gifting have tried this approach only to fail or hurt people. Me, I tend to fall on the prophetic side. I love people, but I frequently do not know how to get them to the next level. One time he and I had a powerful meeting. We saw and endorsed people's futures, pointed out areas of the past that needed to be resolved, etc.. And while we were standing there afterwords having a bite to eat, a woman came up to me and asked me about what to do for her granddaughter that had been abused. I worked as hard as I could to comfort her, but the reality of it was, I had come to the end of my gifting. That of encouragement and destiny. I grabbed Mike, the pastoral gift of the two of us, and pushed him towards her. He prayed for her and comforted her, like I could not. It was awesome.

And so in the last few days, I have watched once again. A pastoral couple (Both pastoral) going to the rescue of a family that so skillfully works the system. It is draining their finances and their health. With a prophetic voice they would be cautioned and the like. For instance this young man is on disability and does not want prayer because HE MIGHT BE HEALED! Another pastoral friend has undertaken another couple we have worked with. They are draining this pastoral couple, even as they lose their home. And yet another local pastor was fired because he does not preach fiery sermons, because he is the pastoral side of gifting.

When the church realizes that Jesus gave five (possibly four, if you think it is pastor-teacher) distinct gifts for the equipping (Means aligning, like a chiropractor does.)then we can move on. And each person needs to be supportive of the other gifts.I spent 10 plus long years trying to be who God did not intend me to be. My heart cry is "let us labor together."

Our own agenda

2009-02-18T03:05:00.000-08:00

I read this story this morning.

The Prayer Request

Leroy went to a revival at a local church and listened intently to
the preacher.

After awhile, the preacher asked anyone with needs to be prayed over
to come forward to the front of the altar.

Leroy got in line and when it was his turn, the preacher
asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."

The preacher put one finger in Leroy's ear and he placed his other
hand on top of Leroy's head and prayed and prayed and prayed for a
miracle.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, took a few steps
back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

"Leroy replied thoughtfully, "I don't know, It's not until next
Wednesday."

It made me realize that too often we have our own agenda and miss what is being said or what is needed. Now, I am a clarifier. I ask the person if what they said is what they said in their own words. Drives my wife crazy. When I first started using this technique, it nearly ended our relationship. But, the problem was, not only is she wired and plumbed differently, but she talks from a different background. It sure was difficult.

Sometimes following God's agenda is harder than we think!

Yesterday, a dear friend from Atlanta was here. She was a former bodybuilder, stripper, etc., and she is hilarious. Her and her husband worked with 28 strip clubs in their area bringing girls out of the life style. And like me she does not pray quietly. She often moves into travail and laughter. We had a great time and enjoyed some lunch with her after. She is such a blessing. When she heard about the family altars, things broke loose.

A lot of my morning was spent straightening out books, bills, etc., and they are caught up so, I can do my taxes.

Supposed to snow today. A little. I guess we can live with a little.

Last night I spent time with Jacob. The girls were at coffee. So, we had fun. His favorite book to read. Little Ducklings.

Everybody home

2009-02-17T04:02:00.000-08:00

There are certain circumstances where I flow well. Working on taxes and books and having family members in the house makes it difficult. My wife and others were home and I thought I would get work done. Well, that did not happen. So, I bit the bullet and hung out with everyone. That was cool! Got a nap in and then back to work.

Worked hard on my altars' project.

Here is a link to my family altars page.
http://photofieds.com/SubPage.asp?ID=50&MenuSys=Y&SID=165

Pictures will show up soon.

I know God is moving in this.

Our friend, Cindy, from Atlanta is up and coming over to pray with us. Many things are happening.

Valley Photofieds is moving ahead slowly. Hopefully, our new sales people will work out well and get us on the path to prosperity.

RID-U, our basement project, (http://www.businessindustrial.net/ridu.html), is moving slower than David and I would like, but there is some grant money coming available to help families in need and they are looking to us to help. Now we just need a really good sales person to come alongside.

Our altar project is closing in on completion and will be readying for sales.

The New England Flame is on hold, as we pray for a working partner.

Our cartoon/picture project is getting close as we ready for the motorcycle season.

And that is it for today.

Valentines

2009-02-15T03:33:00.000-08:00

Last night Tina and I had a wonderful meal at a local restaurant. $25 covered everything. I left a large tip, but where else can you eat for $25? I had salmon, clam chowder and the most awesome cheese cake. Great service. Who would of thought? And as Tina pointed out, it was our 15th Valentine's Day together.

And that was on top of a great day with my grandchildren. Lots of fun.

Today we will head over to Swanzey to be with friends and then back here for another service in Springfield. A friend of ours is here in Springfield, visiting from Atlanta.

So, what am I pondering? The Lord has been taking me through a view of the Old Testament. Revealing new things to me. I think there is so much New Testament believers miss out on as they push through the New Testament, that the "flavor" if you will, gets lost. Without the OT, it is hard to understand the NT and I think that Is why people give up. Part of the reason I think people never make more progress is their misunderstanding of what "was" before they get to what "is."

I am pondering next steps. Trying to figure out what the Lord is doing in my own life. Ironic, how prophetic people, often miss what God is doing in their life.

Moving out

2009-02-14T03:47:00.001-08:00

My daughter moves out shortly. I am writing her a letter with tears running down my face. She left once before. It was not so good. She had pulled a knife on her mom and a few days later she went to live with here dad(Really just a sperm donor.)A lot of bad things happened.She made a lot of bad choices. This time I think it is OK. I will just miss them

Checking in with the Lord

2009-02-13T02:56:00.000-08:00

I am a romantic. I love the involvement life has. I love the fun, the way things work. But right now some of it is painful. I have a nearly 2 year old grandson who has been a great part of my life. His father, is well, non-existent. I would love to tell him how much he has missed. I would love him to plug in. On the other hand I am probably the only dad this boy has ever known. And my wife, she has been experiencing tremendous pain from an injury. The meds they give her do not create a peaceful environment. They cause mood changes and mood swings. Life changes from one moment to the next. That which was "okay" yesterday is not a problem. All one can do sometimes is walk away and pray. Only yesterday I took her to the hospital for more tests and evaluations. Some of it is created by stress, some by her job, some by posture because of her job. Regardless, pain is pain.

There is a lot going on. Here I am. 53. I own a paper with a partner who went through a divorce and bailed. I have taken on burdens and can't seem to make the corner. I have been a full time minister who is in transition from pastorate to prophetic. I am helping another gentleman with his business because he has a great product and a great work ethic. Another friend came out with a book and I feel sure that I am to help him. Another friend has asked me to be his campaign manager in his run for the House Of Representatives. I feel the Lord calling me to the "Family Altar project." And I spend a lot of time with God trying to figure out things. I tried to give away a newspaper I ad to a friend, but he is now in sin mode. Add three lovely grandchildren and five of our own children and life fills up fast.

So, God? What is the plan for today?

may sound stupid, but...

2009-02-12T16:52:00.000-08:00

A few years ago, my daughter told my wife that she was pregnant and was not going to keep the child. Now, Alyssa is actually my step daughter, but she would tell you I am her dad. And so that battle for an unborn child began. Many thought I should be happy she was not having an abortion, but that thought never crossed my mind. The idea of the pain and suffering she would go through wondering about that child were more my thoughts. (I am one of those people who is always thinking ahead.) And with those thoughts I began my prayers for that child to come home. I alienated a lot of people by telling them we would have no other conversation other than the child would be here. Even as Alyssa gave the child up for a closed adoption. That my friends, was the longest 28 days of my life. This child living with someone else when I had a promise from God. But, then, on Mother's Day, she made the decision to go get him. Jacob came into this household and for months and months I just sat with him on my lap, praying his destiny into his life. Now, nearly 2 years later, she is moving out. Not far, but far enough.

He won't come up the stairs and climb on the bed and ask me to read to him. He won't come home looking for me.

May sound stupid, but sometimes being a grandfather is hard...

Filling in the blanks

2009-02-12T02:53:00.000-08:00

So much of life is spent filling in the blanks. Grab a computer and it is forms that some have simplified with auto-fills, but it is about following a sequence. And while they all ask similar questions, it is clear that there is a large amount of information needed and used somewhere somehow. And life is a lot like that. There are things that come up and the trick is to put yourself (or not) in that blank. Sometimes it is helping a child or a friend, sometimes shoveling off the roof, because that blank has opened in the weather.

Yesterday I felt like life had a direction of it's own. And blanks kept opening up. Honestly, I prefer the ones where I can live out my "agenda" a little more. The result? I feel like I wasted a lot of time. Time has a high price for me. I do not like looking back as having wasted it.

Some cool things. Amy is feeling better. Cass is coming home this weekend. Matt is doing pretty good. Tyler got a lot accomplished. Alyssa and I had some talks that concern me a little but I think overall things are well.

I lost a check yesterday and a gentleman found it. Called me up and told me. Don't know him. Pretty impressed though.

Tina is not felling well. Her shoulder is bothering her quite a bit. Has an appointment in DHMC today. We will see. It definitely affects her moods.

Was up at 1AM praying and thinking about the next few days. There are things I wanted to accomplish but have not. Will try and get them done.

Hopefully I will be a more completed page today rather than a piec that fits here and there.

A long day

2009-02-11T02:53:00.000-08:00

A long day. What do people do without Jesus?

The beginning of my day was good. Spent time talking about the things of God with two friends. We discussed the move of God on the horizon. We know it is there. It is more about positioning ourselves for what is coming, coupled with the fact that the enemy does not want it to happen.

I then began to deliver our newspaper. I determined to be smiling with every person I met.I am going to tell you it was pretty hard. So many just looked down trodden by everything. I kind of know how they feel. In the beginning I was listening to the Song Of Solomon. Later I caught more and more news. I will tell you it made me angry. It certainly feels like those in authority are not listening to us. I listened to some clip of people asking for cars, kitchens, benefits, etc..

A friend sent me a letter about revival. Certainly, I agree. I just know it will probably not happen in the church.

My friend wrote me that the first of three altars is complete. The second should be done by the weekend and hopefully the third sometime next week. I went and looked at finishes, stones for panels and bases yesterday.

As I cruised through NH and VT on the route I had lots of time for thinking. I am convinced that this project is for such a time as this. The family being called back to prayer. This is not a religious piece, but a place where will be reminded of their God.

Last week a pastor I knew passed away. Another woman we had been praying for as well. She had been in a coma for a long time. And a woman had a heart attack. My salesman's wife. In the middle of it, my brother contacted me to let me know about an old friend who had died. Most likely with out Jesus. It was a long week and it caused me to realize just how we could be without Jesus. Seems funny coming from me, as I am out in the world every day. He and I used to party pretty good in those days. So, I am pretty sure from what I heard that is the cause.

The world is moving pretty quickly. We can choose to move as quickly and miss things, or we can enter the rest of the Lord Jesus.

These altars are to be a reminder of Him. In some cases to be a memorial to those who went before us. In others a reminder of His goodness. A place where people can gather to celebrate Jesus. Without Jesus, we are toast. We need Him. The altar calls for a place of sacrifice. A place to give up some of that busyness. A place to be reminded about friends and family, and to gather with them. A place where family will be uplifted rather than downtrodden as it is with so many TV programs and the like. A place where women are equal and do not feel l4 kids is "not enough." If this next generation is not taught about Jesus, they are doomed. Socialism is on the rise. Oh, I know the "end times" are upon us, but we can gather all we can to take with us. Isn't that the comfort of Him?

All in a day

2009-02-10T03:02:00.000-08:00

I allowed myself to overdo it in the moving department and paid for it. Yet, the office is finally moved and I am happy about it. At least the landlord can deal with his side of things now. Tyler was real helpful with the moving part. Thank God.

Last night I began to realize that the family altars project is more necessary than ever. The prototypes ought to be completed this week and then it is time for next steps. Right now, it just kind of swirls in my head.

Surprise payment yesterday for the paper. That was really helpful. This week has been a series of surprises in that realm. It kind of began a week ago Friday.

Alyssa is preparing to get her first home on her own. Things seems to be falling into place. Hopefully, she can keep her sanity in it all. Spoke to Matt yesterday. He just went through a breakup and so far he is on top of it, but as I pointed out, he may not have digested it yet.

So, as I sat here nursing my back, I think about the scripture where Jesus says, "my yoke is easy and my burden light."

Thinking it through

2009-02-09T06:24:00.000-08:00

The last few days have been a lot of dreams. Dreams that indicate
a change in my own life as well as that of the church.

Yesterday was fun at church. Was able to talk to some others about a group of things that are keeping me thinking. Was able to connect about the family altars with Morgan and hopefully he will have some prototypes ready this week. Came home for a quick lunch and a prayer meeting.

Other than that life is pretty unexciting, which may not be a bad thing.

Was up a lot last night praying for the children and grandchildren. And the Lord has been dealing with me about honor and how we honor people. I think "whatever" is not honoring people, but do not let me think I escaped. It has definitely made me think back to a time with a spiritual dad asking me to do something unbiblical and how I handled it.

I knew something was up

2009-02-08T03:06:00.000-08:00

For the last few days I have devoted a lot of time praying because my stomach was bothering me. Finally, I asked my wife if she had changed the coffee. "oh, yeah." So, now we know. My stomach is a coffee snob and cheap coffee just makes me ill.

I spent a lot of time yesterday playing with the grandchildren. That was certainly worth it and lots of fun. Unfortunately, I had to devote a few hours to getting my office moved and recycling.

Recycling. There is an interesting concept. For it to be fiscally successful, oil prices must be up. And when it is down, the recyclers just stockpile. Now, in our community, it is not one stop shopping. First you get in one of two lines to get rid of garbage. (And hey, these guys won't accept recyclables in your trash EVEN IF you are paying for it!) Then the line breaks out into 6 lines. (Come on. Isn't this how the Nazi's did it? What happens if this is all a big set up and one Saturday morning they decide to get rid of all the people???) You can tell I "love" recycling. But, I spend more time trying to figure out what papers go where and what plastics go where and even tin cans now. Life was so much simpler in the "old" days. But I emptied my van of all the newspapers and headed home. Worked outside because it was warm.(It was 50 degrees at 5 this morning.)

And I ate some really good turkey soup my wife made and because of "caffeine withdrawal" and being up at 2 that morning I called it a day around 7. My grandson, Jacob came in 3 times to say good night.

Originally

2009-02-07T04:55:00.000-08:00

Originally, this was going to be a communique of the prophetic, etc. And some of it will be, but mostly it will be a diary of what is going on in my life.

Yesterday was full day. One of my employees called to tell me his wife had had a heart attack. It was deadline for our paper and that threw things out of gear. She seems to be all right having had 3 stints put in.

And I visited with one of my clients who has run into a long run of bad luck. Mostly, the main issue is his health and that of his wife. She has severe diabetes.

And a lot of my day was spent with my grand daughter Mariah, who was home sick yesterday.

A long day.

Today, I will go and clean out my office after the landlord has conceded he can not stop the mold and I will then try and enjoy the beautiful weather. I have been suffering cabin fever.

Cabin Fever increases with every little extra amount of sunlight we get. We realize how down we are about certain things. How many friends we have not seen, how many hours of television have been accumulated. In a few short weeks we will go to Daylight Savings Time.Why? Originally it was thought to save electricity, but I am convinced it is to save one's sanity. We do not have to come home in the "dark." It seems "warmer." And we can send the kids out.

Now many people do really suffer from light deprivation and it causes depression. Over the years people have been "killed" as the result of going to work in the dark, coming home in the dark and well, welcome to New England in the winter. Whatever sign of global warming people want to embrace, I am not seeing it happen here this year.

Now there are a few signs of cabin fever.
Tangled Christmas lights putting people over the edge.
Wondering which snow bank your car(Or motorcycle is under.).
Developing PMS(Parked Motorcycle Syndrome)

Have a great day!

Liquidation Sail

2006-02-07T04:25:00.000-08:00

Liquidate. I felt sure the Lord had spoken a one word sentence to me.
Liquidate. Because of the business I am in, I got a little nervous. I
know for "fact" that you can not sell from an empty cart. But, as the
day wore on I felt to share my word with my partner. He looked at me.
We had just made the decision to launch the antique side of our
business and had made some heavy investments with the idea of holding
on for the bigger money. I let it go. Perhaps the pearl before the
swine and I had messed up. I began to think of all the other parts of
my life.

I received a great thrill when Jesus said to the rich young man,
"Sell all that you have." And so I have tried to sell all that I have
that I might have more.

The next day my friend said to me, We ought to consider making our
antiques side like our business and industrial side and sell faster.
So, we agreed. I watched a beautiful spinning wheel, a super old
industrial cart and a few other items fall under the new decisions.

Ok...so I thought.

Yesterday my "dad" asked me what the Lord had been telling me. The
other day someone else asked me if I had a word. As I heard the words
I knew I did.

Liquidate. I have meditated on it for days.

Some of my conclusions are this.

The Lord is asking us to give up things dear to us, even those things
He has given us, so that He might bring us through to the next place
He is wanting to be. I think my favorite person in the scriptures
(Outside of Jesus.) is Abraham. I feel the Lord saying to me, to
others that I would like to give to you as I gave to Abraham. And for
me to be able to do this, you will have to give up something so
precious(Even as Isaac was to Abraham.) that it is painful. "Did I
give you this? Most assuredly says the Lord." And now I want to see
if you will give it back to me.

The Lord will soon be asking(If He has not already.) ministers and
business people, "will you give it back to me?"

And this brings me to the next word the Lord is speaking...communication.

Just as the word "liquidate" speaks of liquid and a flow, the Lord is
asking His church, "will you communicate?" Not just the Gospel, but
will you be in touch? Am I the only one who has ever experienced the
lack of communication, only to be thinking someone is upset with me?

Communication-I believe the Lord is saying that communication is a
result of liquidation. The word communication suggests a flow of
experience and feelings (Not just words!) to one another. The flow is
like the river. A liquid state of something moving from one place to
another. Our communications need to carry the river of the Father to
those we speak with.

And finally the "liquidation sail." I believe the Lord is saying
that if we might follow His instructions here, we will be free to
follow the Holy Spirit, wherever He might take us.

One For The Thumb

2006-02-07T04:16:00.000-08:00

Like millions of others, I watched the Superbowl. And while I had no
favorite, it was tough. I saw Seattle as a young team with a lot of
fire and hope. My emotional ties to the Steelers stemmed from my
youth where there were annual trips to the practice field and many
autographs.

As the game ended, I felt a "letdown" of sorts. I had actually
watched a lot of football this year and a lot of pregame stuff on
Sunday. And I felt everybody watches the Superbowl. And yesterday I
read about churches that had Superbowl parties with prayer at
halftime (Obviously, they did not know who Mick Jagger was!!!). And
the rest of the day was a blur yesterday, with no real highlights. So
exasperating were many of the situations yesterday that I found
myself in the bathroom in front of a mirror crying out for the Lord
to come back and "now" would be a good time. Last night a family
situation put the cap on it.

But during the day I thought about the meaning of the win. Was there
one? I certainly would have been wrong had I bet on the game. And I
thought about this line, "One for the thumb." Lord, that means 5, a
completion of sorts. And the more I meditated on it (Better than
meditating on the lies of a company we spent a lot of money with last
week and they changed their pickup days causing us a complete change
of our week. But hey, if we wanted to keep the schedule they would
only charge us $500 per day.) the more I sensed something to it.

Another ring for the thumb. A fifth ring indicating victory. For me,
it was deeper than that. It represented a recap of prophetic words in
Ephesian 4:11, when Jesus says He will give the church the gift of
the five ministry gifts. One of the gifts being the apostolic. So
many denominations have held on to the pastor, teacher and evangelist
gifts, but have denied(I am sure in many cases it is out of
misunderstanding.) the gifts of the prophetic and the apostolic. Many
have embraced the prophetic in recent days, but let's be real, we
have almost been taught that the apostolic represents control. But
what if it simply means what it means? People "sent" to a people for
the purpose of establishing His kingdom, What if we recognize the
word apostle because signs and wonders follow and not because it is
on their business card?

Is it possible, one for the thumb" represents a season of true
apostolic leadership and gifting coming to the church?

Where I will be
February 11th-Prayer and worship @2PM Mountaintop Christian
Fellowship, Oakland Maine
March 25th-"God Loves The Witches" Conference all day University Of
Maine, Machias, Maine
--
!

Too much

2005-12-24T05:11:00.000-08:00

As Tina and I sat there watching something on the TV, we heard a
"pop." At first I thought it was the wind throwing something at the
window. A little while later. "Pow!" This was way too weird. Someone
was shooting at us! Seconds later the third "pop!" I jumped up and
ran to the wall. Oh no! The batteries had blown up for my camera.

How had it happened? There are two types of rechargeable batteries. I
had used one for so long, I forgot to hit the switch when I
introduced a different kind. The power was too much for them. They
exploded, leaking into the charger and onto the floor. (Hey, at least
we weren't being shot at!)

In my life and the lives of others, we want to see more of God. We
cry out "more!" But what happens when He shows up? I am convinced it
is not always the way we think it is going to be. Maybe we will be
like the battery, coming to the place where we can not absorb any
more of what He is doing, because we have to make room for the new.
"I must decrease that He might increase."

As we approach the New Year, I want to make room for what God is doing.

Busyness must go. I have too many friends, too much family and too
little time. I do not want to "explode" no longer able to contain or
do what He is asking of me.

There was an old Monkees' song. In it, a pig ate so much...he popped.
If I am going to "pop" I want it to be a release of the good ness of
God and His grace over all those He holds dear.

--
Lee & Tina Johndrow
Pillars Of Clouds & Fire Ministries
88 WCFR Drive
Springfield, VT 05156
802-885-2885

http://www.pocafministries.org

Building relationships to build our community for the glory of God.
Partnering with people for the glory of God!

Wow! Wow! Wow!

2005-12-04T07:16:00.001-08:00

We knew dreams would be of the Lord. We knew we would have them. Did we know that as we approached the throne room of heaven in a more intimate way, God would have our number on speed dial?

The last few months I have been inundated with dreams. Sometimes as many as 6 a night. A variety of dreams. Dreams that I must seek the interpretation of. Prophetic dreams in the sense that a "wheel in a wheel" might have been for Elijah.

Why write about dreams now? Because I believe these announce a new dimension of what God may be doing here.

I may have said in the past I ask God things before I go to bed, with the expectation that He will answer me. Yesterday, I met with some young people. They are going through the ringer. They are in the midst of parental dispute. When I met them, they downloaded to me for over an hour about what is going on. I won't lie. It made me angry. Two parents...both professing Christians, who have created a pressure cooker like most of us can not imagine. "Lord-give me an answer here," was my bedtime cry. What I saw was angels on alert. Come on! I know this! No, this was different. As soon as I picked a "target" the angel was off. This angel was an angel of "confrontation" for I have no other word than that. As I ran through my list of "targets" the angels jetted off to "confront." Now, I will tell you. I have only had "visions" and dreams of angels. As I read through the scriptures when an angel showed up that person was different...for ever! So many tell me they see angels without these results that I am not so sure I believe them. 15 years ago Jesus showed up in my car. My life changed forever! And I was scared! And when I got where I was supposed to be, people knew something had happened. A miracle happened for one of my children. But guys, I am telling you it was not on my grid! It was "frightening."

And everywhere I "looked" an angel of confrontation headed out. I felt like a jet fighter. No buttons, no words, just "lock in" and "FIRE!"

And the second dream came along. I had people in my home when a busload of people showed up at my home. They came to bring me a "community" Bible. I did not accept it because I had Bibles. Tons of them. Why? Because I believe God will show up and the cases of Bibles I have will be gone in a heartbeat. I even prayed over them yesterday as I was cleaning house. These people wanted to talk. But there was one man (They introduced themselves to me and I am excited because to the best of my knowledge before I went to bed, two of these people were not saved!) who as he gave me my name, I did not know him but I clear as a bell heard his name. ED BERMAN. Now, I really do not know this guy, but trust me, he was saved. So, if that name is on your radar screen, press in. The name is not a name I now. The Community Bible I believe is relevant because God is handing over deeds to towns. They are not going to an organization. They are going to a people who will pray. I think it is ironic that they drove up the mountain in a bus.

So, what does this all mean?

I felt the Lord agree that there was a grace for angels of confrontation. That these angels would not be held up for days or weeks or a time. but they were the "smart bombs" of God given over to a people who will pray for the end of injustice. Who will stand up and defend the downtrodden. I taught 11 years ago a Jewish principle. It went like this. The church has a responsibility to lift the downtrodden WITHOUT destroying the oppressor.

We are being positioned for a miracle. One of my children of the spirit wrote me this a week or so ago and so I share it in it's entirety.

FROM CR

I had a vision this week of pick up sticks. The sticks are all in the center. I understood that each stick represents a member of the body of Christ. A hand started to pick up a stick and was very careful not to move the rest. I believe what the Lord is doing through this vision is that there are people that He will reposition in His body. He will carefully pick them up like sticks to be repositioned. If we are being repositioned, we have to be very careful not to move the other pieces as the Lord deals with whatever it is He is dealing or working in us. (I now understand this.....I can't cause pain to my mother)

In prayer yesterday, I had this sense of being confined in a box. I had this strong sense in my spirit of wanting to get out because I was in a box. I also had this sense of all these people that have been boxed in by men and by themselves because of the lies that they bought and the agreement they made with the enemy. I then saw this outburst or explosion in the spirit that I know had something to do with His people getting out of the box. While walking my sister's dog that morning, I saw this explosion again which I understood to be an explosion of His purpose. And I heard this in my spirit, My people are getting out of the box because the purpose of heaven for their lives are coming and it's going to come like manna from heaven. ( In D's sermon today she shared that the Hebrew word for purpose is show-bread which is the bread of His presence).

What I believe the Lord is doing is revealing to His army their purpose in this hour. An adjustment or a repositioning of His people has to occur for His purpose to come forth. He is already doing this for years but we will see a much greater influx of this repositioning in the days ahead. You will hear of people moving, wanting to move and this will be a confirmation of what is happening in the spiritual level. I am not talking about certain people in the ministry that are already in transition, I am talking about those that we are not aware of as of this word.

I believe the Lord is saying that the grace will be off for being in a box. Now there will be His new grace to move. There will be a grace and a desire to move to the new position He is calling us. A lot of His people in His church cannot move because the other parts of their body are not there with them yet, these people are still in the process of being repositioned. Once the connections He want to make in this hour are accomplished and those that needs to repositioned are connected to the right part of the body, we will start to move. I am sensing that the Lord will give grace to His people that He is repositioning so they can start to move; He will give grace to those in their comfort zones so they can start to move; to those who are oppressed so they can start to see that they are being oppressed so they can start to move; and to those that are being controlled so they can come out of that control and be part of the Lord's army.

We have been positioned. For today. There is a new realm of the "heir force" that has come into place. Let us with maturity, lift those whoa re young into their destiny as the great cloud of witnesses watches us fulfill their destinies.

Blessings,

Lee

Lost Toys

2005-12-04T07:16:00.000-08:00

When I was a child many of my toys found themselves "lost." Arrows
would be shot in the air, trucks and cars buried in the dirt and some
just never made it out of the closet or toy box, having been replaced
by others.

Last night I had a dream about lost toys. My recent bedtime routine
has been with a final request to the Lord to answer a question. I
wake up with the answer.

But toys?

My question was: "what is the next thing we are to do and by the way,
I am speaking tomorrow, could I have a word that transforms me? I
really don't like recycling(I do not like recycling, period.*) words,
God. And I would like some rhema."

Now, I should tell you that last night I was working on a older Tonka
truck. It was a fire truck. Actually called a water cannon and it's
number was 5(For grace, I assume.) Now, the ladder didn't go up the
way it once did and the siren didn't not shriek(Thank you God!) but
it was in really good shape otherwise. Kind of like me I thought. I
am not as wild as I once was, but I still got a lot of "kid" left in
me. BTW-this Tonka toy will be sold on ebay and some child(Or older
man masquerading as a kid will get it.)

So, in the dream there were all these lost toys. And Santa (Do not
get religious on me now!) had sent people to get the lost toys out of
the homes and sandboxes and car seats, because he had a plan. A
redemptive plan for the toys. A use for them. A use to bring in other
toys until he had collected all the toys to himself. And brought
healing and restoration to them. New legs, new arms, new wheels, new
paint.

I see that the Lord is releasing a people to the chasing down of
"lost toys." First, He is taking the ones who are moving and
"playing" (I am sure this is deeper than I think!) and He is
restoring them. I think this is the process we are in. The next phase
for Him will be to send these "toys" out.

So-I sense that the things that are going on right now where some of
it doesn't make sense, will be clear very shortly. We are in the
middle of being reclaimed. Not that we did not know who we belonged
to, but the higher purpose of our life and the gifts it brings will
clarify, even by Christmas. And in that reclamation process, even the
older "toys" will be shiny and beautiful for the King, Himself.

*I am not against the principle of recycling. I feel as Christians we
have stewardship over the earth and should live as such. Hey, I do
ebay. Everything I sell for the most part is recycled. On the other
hand, the only time you get to recycle in our town is on specific
days. And I always think (Here is where my wife thinks I have way too
much time on my hands.) that as you pull into the center for
recycling, you are to pick a lane(Kind of like toll booths.) and they
"herd" you to the appropriate place. Wow! If I was a terrorist, I
would just build a recycling center knowing that everyone would show
up and pick a line on Saturday morning. It's time for free enterprise
to be allowed to reign in this area. Here, I have to drive to a store
to get tickets to get rid of my trash. Then I have to go the
recycling center. Extra driving-why not have the tickets at the
recycling center? Because we have people on community service who are
going to steal them?

As you can see...I need prayer for this.

Speaking of prayer-I will be speaking at the White Horse Cafe
tonight. Prayer would be cool. Prayer for our newspaper, The New
England Flame is appreciated. And prayer for our business as we bring
in some fine tuning.
--

Fisherman's Wives & The Widow's Walk

2005-12-04T07:15:00.000-08:00

Fisherman's Wives & The Widow's Walk

Over the weekend I ministered in Gloucester, Massachusetts. And the
Lord prompted me with a few things.

The gist of it is in the title.

You may know that Gloucester is a fishing town. And many fisherman
never returned. (you can see the linkat
http://www.seecapeann.com/see_gloucester.html ) And as a result of
the fishing industry and the losses of family members there is an
architecture called a widow's perch. This is the top of a home where
the spouse of the fisherman frequently climbed up to(It was on the
roof and there was rail around it.)see the returning boats. After a
storm many of those boats never returned and it was called the
widow's walk. The fishermen's wives left behind to fend for
themselves.

The body of Christ has experienced a "widows walk" in New England. We
have often walked away from the source of all our life, Jesus Christ,
by the very fact of our established independent attitude. Too many
times God has closed in on us, only to have us reach a peak of "good
feeling" and leave the dependent state upon the Lord that brought us
here in the first place.

We have walked like the widow, who has lost her lover. Finances have
dried up, friendships derailed and the pain of loss bringing on
discouragement, shame and guilt.

I felt the Lord say which harbor will you choose? Will you choose the
safe harbor of my love and my protection or will you walk your own
way? The widows walk. It keeps the Lord from reaching into our lives.
Who walks like a widow? Those who have shame, guilt and frustration.
I am not talking about a holy frustration that just cries out "more
Lord!" I am talking about living far from the goodness of God.
perhaps a situation brought you to this place. It matters not what
the realm or the vehicle that brought you here, for it is the heart
of the Lord to embrace his bride. And to lavish His love upon her.

New England we must awaken to the love of the Lord!

The fisherman's wife that will cry out for the return of loved ones
to the fold of the Lord. I see a new understanding of this person who
cares more about the people who are on the way to the depths of hell
and will lay down their life for the sake of a soul.

There is a revived heart that is looking over the horizon and saying
"enough! I do not want to be alone anymore. I do not want to be
trapped by my sin or my lack of purpose. I want all that you have for
me. I do not want to walk like a widow for you, Lord have loved me."

"I will not have a fear of man or a fear of destiny. I will not be so
reserved that I can not hear you Lord. I will look over the seas to
see your coming."

There is another part to the fisherman's wife. It is the party who
leaves other's behind, leaving wounded, devastated people in your
wake. It is I, who have left men and women in my wake as I moved my
way. My independence has cost. I am not talking about chasing the
Lord; I am talking about those who have gone ahead leaving behind
"family" for the sake of ministry.

New England-we have been called to a greater destiny. We have been
given the torch of revival. We have received the love of the Lord.
Let us not become dependent on our independence again. We have been
given mercy when others have received judgements. Let us open our
hearts to the King in such a way that the ice comes off New England
and the polar cap of religion melts down. Let us love one another
that they "might know us by our love."

I had a conversation this morning and I was asked by a woman if all
men were relationally challenged. I said YES! But, some of us learn
to bypass our thoughts and fears and hopes that we not walk like the
widow. The greatest expression of love to come will be that of loving
one another.

Blessings,
lee
--

Can you hear it?

2005-11-19T03:34:00.000-08:00

Can you hear it?

Every now and then as I walk down my road or through my fields, I can
hear it. What is it I hear? It is the sound of the wind building
speed, moving through the trees, though not necessarily where I am
standing. You know the sound. You can hear it rippling through the
grass. Leaves and debris blow across the road.

And lately my dreams have revealed it. My visions have "seen" it. And
even as I sit at the computer or I am driving, I "hear" it. What is
"it?" I believe it is the presence of God in a new way. As I listen,
it is like an unseen being, pushing down the fields of grass, blowing
through the trees branches and moving things about. Each branch or
blade of grass representing a human moving with the Lord. Each
skittering leaf, a demonic creature forced out of the way.

Weird? I think not. The presence of the Lord is moving quickly to be
part of all we know. The tipping point has been passed. Life is
changing. What has been described as a famine of the word is about to
change. Life as we know it in New England is about to become
different.

There is an urgency, if you will, in the voice of the Lord. There is
a movement and an increase. Just as I awake to the foreign noise in
my home, I have detected a difference in the atmosphere. A shift some
might call it. Wow!

And if we stopped at WOW! it would be a good thing. But what does
this wind mean? Does it mean revival? If it does it means a change in
the way we do business. Many have not built for this "storm." And
there is apart of me that wants to say "I told you so." But, with the
idea of Noah ringing in my head. How did he feel? A man who would
take all those years to build a boat, facing ridicule and the idea of
being an outcast, what did he feel. Serving God is one thing, but
being cooped up with all those animals for all those months, that is
a whole different deal. I believe he cared about the loss of all
these people.

And so in the midst of this storm we are going to hear people, trying
to get "in." Some of the church has already begun to harden their
hearts. I am telling you this will not pass muster in the midst of
this storm.

I spend most of my life outside of the church. I like it there. Why?
Because while I know the church is God's plan A, I see the "church"
trying to become something it was never called to be. At my
presbytery, they said i was too mystical for the church and i needed
to come down and smell like the sheep. So much for having a prophetic
nature that prevents people from being hurt. So, I allowed my wings
to be clipped in submission to people. And many have been treated the
same way. So, now we have to prophesy to the church, "could you like
, go get the people you hurt and sent away?"

What would happen if these people said "NO!" We think we have the
weird prophetic types now, don't we? I speak to psychics
(pre-Christian prophets) who would scare you. Skateboarders who could
gather a crowd that would shame most churches. Can we discuss the
anointing for a moment? These people were anointed by God for the
church at their birth, before their birth and God is looking for a
few good people with the guts to jump into the fray and say "I am on
your team." We have become so adept at building ministry, we forget
what it looks like to build people.

And for those of you "in the church" who feel like you have been left
out of the church, would you let God heal your wounds and come in out
of the rain? I understand scars, I don't understand running around
with gaping holes. Sit still long enough to be held, touched and
healed. Stop running around saying you are the church and potshotting
at the church.

The water is rising. We feel it at our feet. We occasionally get
splashed by a higher wave or two. The wind is picking up. The
opportunities are multiplying. Do not worry about what goes on iside
the church, but be concerned with what God wants to do outside the
church building.

Restore unto me the joy of my salvation

2005-11-13T14:07:00.000-08:00

Restore unto me the joy of my salvation

I resigned. Stepped down. Life as I had known it for nearly 10 years was over. And I took that step of faith(?) into an abyss not knowing the results. Believe the prophets and you shall prosper.

This morning I awoke at 3:50 to hear "Restore unto me the joy of my salvation" singing through my head. I began to pray for friends and family. But, being in bed just wasn't working for me, so I arose, thinking I could shake this off, but I couldn't. So many, weren't enjoying their salvation. I spoke to a newer Christian yesterday who was reaping the fruits of his choices(Don't we all, unless the mercy of God is invoked.) He had "tried" to enjoy, but the demons of his past were great and his feeling that it was all supposed to be ok kept him from the confessions of his hurt and his pain. I(I pray my words and gestures bear fruit in his life.).

I have never known as many ministers who have stepped down, as I have witnessed in the last few months. I prophesied over a minister who had been forced out of ministry by his board. And part of the word was that I saw a chess board and the piece representing him was being removed, but not to be placed to the side with fallen men, but to be moved to a new square. He was not charismatic, and Hey! I had only asked to pray, but the word of the Lord and His Presence brought tears to this man with hope. In one church so strong was the need to know the love of God and be accepted, I suggested that they start a "Love party" or "Get a hug" night.

Yesterday I was given a word, that though I saw myself as removed the Lord was getting ready to do something in my life. That gave me hope, because despite a powerful weekend of ministry and seeing God move, I was unsure. "Where do I fit in?"

Many of you have prayed, fasted and walked with us, so, please let me share the joys of the weekend.

It began as a 5 hour trip to Maine. As I drove through a community called Topsham I felt the presence of the Lord and I also felt the struggle inside of me. I called a friend to have him pray for me. I arrived and was greeted with love and kindness. A wonderful lasagna didn't hurt.

The next morning, we left early and as we headed to our first appointment a bald eagle flew just above the vehicle while we crossed the river. Amazing! We arrived and met the first pastor. I saw blood in the house of this ministry. It turned out to be a former meat packing house. The blood was crying out the Lord told me. The avenging for souls in this community. we went down to the bay with 3 swords to fulfill a prophetic word my friend had. The sword I had was aptly named "Sword of fire." As 3 of us placed the points of our swords into the beach in front of these Druid idols, I saw fire on the water like gasoline and the rising of the waters with the glory of the Lord. As I shared the pastor told me a new believer had arisen from their baptism and seen the same thing. As we stood there and prophesied the waters(The tide.) moved up and covered our swords connecting them by the waters. We left there and joined a small group of pastors. I had seen a school on the way in transformed by the presence of the Lord and shared this with them, that God would use the arts to overtake this place. As we left the breakfast one of the pastors asked us to pray over the land of his church. We stopped there and I saw the people with hands outstretched towards the ocean awaiting the eastern coming of the Lord. I saw that this community and others where shipping had been so strong would receive the people of the nations and train them and send them back out. I saw a serpent that was trying to stop this, but I also saw that great wealth, like the Midianites would come to this community. They had known there was something about Joseph. Leaving this community we headed towards a desolate land of Indian reservations and heart broken people. We met with another group of pastors. And all the while we were there I felt the presence of the Lord. This is where I prophesied to the pastor who had been removed. This was not the first time a pastor had been removed from this community. It is a satanic stronghold with many, many witches. Please pray for Lubec. I felt I saw a storefront rented, where ministries just came to pray, each one taking a week. As I stood in this restaurant praying, I saw this man taken from the Lord's quiver and sent from His bow. I told him not to deny a trip that was coming. (Unbeknownst to me, he had just been asked.) AS he shed tears my heart went out for the people of this region. We visited the college and I met the music director of this small campus. Our connection? Frank Zappa and Captain Beefheart. worship will ring out in this college. My friend has asked me to partner with him in a conference called "God loves the witches" in this school. We left here to the home of a pastor in the area and ended up praying for a brother who was to open a Christian cafe there. As we drove home I was spent. Prayer, prophecy and a building compassion.

We got home late and I stayed up late(12:15). I had been up since 4 and the next day was the day I was concerned about. I left the house at 9:15 and arrived at the church at 8:30. As I looked at the clock I saw something was to change for this church. The clock had stopped. As the assistant pastor went to put a new battery in it, it crashed to the floor. As we prayed I felt this wave of the presence overcome me. As we worshipped I sensed the hurt of people who did not enjoy their salvation. I was bombarded by thoughts of where do I fit in the body of the Lord? Who do I think I am? GOD HELP ME! I have felt like a failure.

As I stood to minster and spoke my path I reminded myself of the goodness of the Lord. And I went to minister to the people. I saw so much pain and need for direction. I thought where were the prophets. Where were the builders? Where were the fathers. I gave many hugs as I walked down the row. I reminded many of the Lord's love for them. They had a kleenex ministry by person five. As I spoke over young and old I felt the presence of Jesus walking with me. I was to close it at 12 and it was 1:56 when I prayed over the last person. I sensed a name change for this people. People wanted Jesus.

Some shared the accuracy of the words, but my heart was broken. God you would use me. You still care about me.

Maine is a desolate place. And it is filled with satanic influence, but where there is evil there is the capacity for much grace. These people are exercising childlike faith. I could see God doing something here. The leaders are gathering. They love each other. This is an amazing people. The Native Americans will see God come here. Stephen King has a home here. Watch for what happens in his life in the next year.

And so when I received the word yesterday of the restoration in my life, I thought, Wow! I pray for the WOW of life to be manifest in your life today. Tomorrow we face one of the most serious challenges of my walk. I need to know God is in the restoring business. I need to know that He loves me. With that I can walk through anything.

Humbly submitted,

Lee

Identity theft

2005-09-13T05:39:00.000-07:00

Most of us have heard about identity theft. Identity theft is the fastest growing crime in the USA. Perhaps you have seen the commercials or received the calls from your credit card company. "Be careful."

Part of my business is ebay. I am a power seller on ebay and each week I sell items and send invoices. Sending invoices is my "busiest time of the week." And I receive letters on how to pay, etc. So when I received a letter that said
"Hello,

Payment has been sent today at 10:13 AM. I am looking forward to complete the transaction.
Thank you,
Derek

You can view the item clicking the link below. http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem=5061458114

Thank you,
dkny02"

I didn't think anything of it. So I clicked on the link and it took me to the "ebay" site. Wrong. By the time I had typed in my password and user name, it was all over said and done. I had sent them two lines that could open up my life. I realized what I had done and raced in and changed passwords, user names, questions, etc.

It seems ok. Perhaps I am more paranoid about this because I had my identity stolen 2 years ago and a man masqueraded as me in California as Attorney Johndrow. I have not fully recovered from that debacle.

I am very careful. Every day I receive hundreds of letters that are "phishing" for information. This is my email stats and much is "phish" news.
38,282 messages this month
81,251 messages last month
33,252 average per month
1,857,775 messages total

I got aught the other night because I was tired, preoccupied and a little foolish.

I share this information with you for your good.

And the God part of all this is what can someone do when they "become you." They take on your identity, your life, your print on life. God has asked us to identify with Christ. To allow our selves "deadness' so that we may give Him the opportunity to release the power of God through us(Galatians 2:20). He would like us to have His identity

And the flip side of all of this is phishing. Learning about someone to "become" them. Christ has called us to be fishers of men. Paul said we are "to become all things to all men."

Perhaps we could do a little fishing today.

Humbly submitted
Lee

153----

2005-09-08T18:32:00.000-07:00

Deceptions

2005-09-01T13:52:00.000-07:00

Deceptions

This morning as I met with a young disciple who gets together with me each morning there was a "thump" in the window behind me. A sparrow had run into our window. I looked out and it was not moving(Since then it has awakened.) and I began to pray for it. "Lord, you take care of the sparrows..."

My young friend left and I began to cry. Why? because it is life. And I believe the Spirit of the Lord impressed upon me this.

"Deceptions. The enemy has caused many to believe a lie. Why would they believe a lie? Because it has been mixed with enough truth to be credible. Enough scripture(Remember Eve?) to make it palatable and acceptable."

How many will run into windows of destruction because they have not listened or heard or accepted the words of the Lord? We look at the south and so many thoughts run through my mind. I prayed for nearly an hour this morning about it. The words of prophets ringing in my mind.

I believe that the veils of deception that have hung over so many lives are at a place where they can be removed if we so desire. I understand that deceptions are what we are not "cognizant" of but as we seek the spirit of revelation and wisdom, truth will come forth.

Too many have approached their visions and their goals without the truth of the Lord. We have encountered the "glass walls" of the enemies that have left us stunned, disappointed and disoriented as this little bird was.

Daniel 2:22 tells us he reveals the dark and hidden things. There is an unveiling going on. Like the bird we are seeing things clearer than ever before. The natural and the supernatural are becoming one. Now more than ever is the time to cry out for wisdom, for I believe we are in a time of jubilee approaching. Wise decisions are required. Like the man who was removing mud from his eyes after Jesus placed it there, we are seeing things that appear to be "trees." There is a clearing of our supernatural vision being released. And we will see even better.

A few weeks ago I had a visitation. It was not from the Lord or angels but from darkness. 3 hours. I believe it was a breaking point in the things that have happened to me. The room was filled with darkness. Able to see, smell, touch and hear this presence it seemed no amount of prayer could help. I finally came to the place of forgiving everyone I could think of that I might hold something against. I thought I was going to die. (A few days later I was speaking to a friend and he felt that this was the spirit of death that had been assigned to me after I left witchcraft at the time of conversion. He also felt that the enemy had tipped his hand by revealing himself in this manner.)

As people of God we have been given all authority. And we need to embrace the spirit of wisdom to work alongside this.

Many things are clearing away and in our "excitement" to fly we often not see as clearly as we want to, but in the midst of this God is wanting to reveal more to us. It is His desire that we lean and trust on Him.

The bird has finally flown off to a nearby tree. And I believe that like this bird our false starts and even near death experiences will not hinder us but help us in the days to come. And boy am I glad!

Humbly submitted
Lee

2 excel

2005-01-01T14:15:00.000-08:00

Often I receive things by situations, by actions, by pictures.

The other morning I received a call from the Excel company. It was a call that grated on me. Later that day, I had coffee with a pastor from Brazil. When I called his cell phone, he said this is "Pastor J_____ of the Excel Maintenance Company." Now I may be slow about somethings, but the "coincidence" was not lost on me. Two times the word "excel" was brought to my attention. I would say that the word excel was not something I had heard for a week or more. So what did I think? I was thinking God was attempting to make a point about excellence.

As I looked for the word "excel" I found three scriptures that spoke to my heart and this definition.

Synonyms: excel, surpass, exceed, transcend, outdo, outstrip
These verbs mean to be or go beyond a limit or standard. To excel is to be preeminent (excels at figure skating) or to be at a level higher than another or others (excelled her father as a lawyer). To surpass another is to be superior in performance, quality, or degree: an athlete surpassed by none. Exceed can refer to being superior (an invention that exceeds all others in ingenuity), to being greater than another (a salary exceeding 70 thousand dollars a year), and to going beyond a proper limit (exceed one's authority). Transcend often implies the attainment of a level so high that comparison is hardly possible: Great art transcends mere rules of composition. To outdo is to excel in doing or performing: won't be outdone in generosity. Outstrip strongly suggests leaving another behind, as in a contest: a case of the student outstripping the teacher.

Just the thought of being better than something else brings images of overcoming. And Jesus said in John 14:12 "greater things than I, shall you do.

1Co 14:12
So also you--since you are zealous in matters of the spirit, seek to excel in building up the church.

2Co 8:7
Now as you excel in everything--in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in all diligence, and in your love for us--excel also in this grace.

2Co 9:8
And God is able to make every grace overflow to you, so that in every way, always having everything you need, you may excel in every good work.

Each scripture talks of the "better than" average works that one can do. How can we fail as we follow the "excellent" one? God is calling His church to excellence, to excel in evey good work. Even I can see that.

1/1/2005

2005-01-01T05:04:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

Over the last week I have had many dreams and last night was no different.

In the first dream a Christian leader was in a factory( A new technology manufacturer.) and he was holding people hostage. As others of us looked for and escape route, we heard glass break as people tried to warn others and escape. Later we had escaped but the issue at hand was what to do. One of our co-leaders pointed out that while bipolar illness was treatable, the illness of "impaired decision making." We were meeting in a school to determine the best course of action to take care of this man. The end result was that he would have to be hospitalized and time would be spent waiting for a treatment.

I believe that for years we have said "there is a new regime of leader coming." That leader is more with the times, able to relate better with the younger people. Open to the next moves of God with resistant. Not holding people "hostage" to old thoughts and traditions for the sake of having them.

I think the dream points out the dangers of old wineskins and inflexibility to change. I think it is interesting that the dream pointed out bipolar as treatable. The dream suggested the man was vulnerable to this illness. The switching of gears, the change from high to low. On the other hand he was affected from an illness that allowed for poor decisions. One was addressed medically, while the other hand no "cure." The answer is to "put them away." while others go on.

Is this a warning? I believe so. For me, I have already reviewed things in my life. I certainly see necessary changes in our ministry and having been working towards the implementation. My heart's cry is for those who will be resistant to change(Not even just to God.) as God is trying to move the church ahead. Some of you will recognize leaders over you. You will be looking for direction. I encourage you to pray for these men and women. God DOES have the ability to bring "rightness" to His leaders.

In the second dream, a friend of mine was struggling with the next phase of her life. She spoke to me about the "breaks" in her life. We were sitting on the edge of a lake in the Adirondacks. Motorcycles were on the side. She was struggling with the decisions she had made, the effects on her children and those around her. She wanted to move ahead. We got in a car and began to drive around the lake. We began to look at businesses for sale. Her creativity needed to shine, she said. We looked at al types of businesses. The more we talked the stronger she was in her resolve to do something. Finally we pulled up in front of a beautiful part of the lake. She sat on a bench as I said, " I really want to see this come to pass in your life." Her response was "maybe I will surprise you." I sensed in the dream that she was receiving an inheritance. Her adoption had placed some holes in her past. I felt her adoptive father had left something behind for her.

Everyone has dreams and surely the church a large is no difference. We came in on motorcycles and drove in a car. Both vehicles indicate change coming. But there was a "unity" as two people began to work on a problem, hence the car. The lake was a focus as we drove around around it. Clear, clean blue water. Certainly, clarity was coming. The desire to be creative and release God given talents was clear. The conversation where I sensed the adoptive father giving in some type of inheritance. It appears clear that God is releasing to the church and it's people as our adopting Father.

The year 2005. Anyone can prophesy change. It is inevitable. I think the tsunami was a foreshadowing of the spirit to come, but with that wave of the spirit, comes greater responsibility to those around. Many will flounder and even "die" under the crushing of his waves. Those that have prepared will be available to those who were not. But even as the natural tsunami showed the weaknesses of the systems and the cry for better systems, I would suggest that many of our "systems" have not been tested under "waves" of that magnitude. Many have strategized but not engaged. Like riding a bicycle you can read and look at pictures, but until you do it, it is just knowledge. You can think it is "easy" but as the nature has born out, we do not have the control we think we do. As the woman in the second dream was realizing, her gifts and talents need to be released for the blessings to come.

I see churches that have thought they had it all, only to realize how poor they had become. Yes, we will have young people in this, but there are many older ones coming alongside. For years we have spoken of the need for fathers in the church and I think we are on a year of fathering with love and compassion.

Years ago we sang a song about taking back what the devil stole. But as people walked through collecting their "belongings" they picked up things that were the devils. They were tainted. God is purifying His church this year. I believe many Christians will see the holy side of God in a way they had never imagined and at first which they never had. We will see the towel appear around the waists of His servants once again. People will know us for our love. We will not have to say, "Don't worry about it-look to Jesus," but people will follow us as we imitate the Christ. We will start to "think" carefully about our efforts to see people into the kingdom. And we will pick up the authority God has given us. We will see power restored to the church as the church chases HIM

This year will be a wild ride. It will definitely not look like we think it will. Many will even think God has "left the building" and question, but the end of the year will bring a defining moment to the church at large.

Post Christmas

2004-12-28T08:02:00.000-08:00

Yesterday morning I drove home in a blizzard. While spending the holiday on the Cape the snow stacked up over 16 inches. When we left at 6AM the roads had not even been plowed in the town. We had to guess where the roads were.

The ride ended up taking an extra hour in part because of the weather and in part because I got off the wrong exit. My normal 3.5 hours was a 4.5 hour trip. During that time my son Matt slept through most of the treacheries of the weather and drivers unaccustomed to ice.

I am at a place of review in my life as I prepare for the upcoming year. So much I have looked upon and counted as "good" have just no thrill for me anymore. I want to say that I chased Jesus, but even as I look upon my pursuit, I still see so much that has got in the way.

Things have been so hectic and yet I realize all these things "float" because of former choices. The threads are visible. Everything "leads" back to the past.

I look at the tsunami yesterday and I am struck by the violence that falls upon people. So many would foretell the "end." On the other hand I contemplate those who were destroyed even with 8 hours of warning. So many in India had much warning as the 375 mile per hour wave rushed towards them.

How many Christians will enter the next year without the preparations so necessary to a vital life? My own life is encumbered with bits of pride, moments of arrogance, seasons of willfulness and a desire to do it my way. This weekend included many thoughts about changes that I could make. Some good and some not so good. Some are just throwing the whole thing out and starting over.

I have come to a place where I know it is "all about God" but the choices are restricting the ability to maneuver. In all honesty they are not "choices" I am making, but choices that in some cases were made many years, even decades ago. If only young people could see the results of the simplest choices.

What about the warnings? Can we hear the words of Jesus ringing in our ears? Can we hear the tsunami's rushing towards us? Have we heeded the warning bells rung? Honestly, I think not. We know we are a nation of fattened Christians, striving for so many steps. We listen to that which fits us. We hear what we want, say what we want. I look at the contemplations of the weekend and I wonder why I, or any other would even "consider" the very things that would cause us so much pain, so much for separation from God, in our great efforts to get it over with?

I read a small booklet I had on revival yesterday. I know it is the Father's cry and yet I read it wondering "why?" I am reading a book that talks about the Father's heart and how great men of God have walked away and atheists and scoffers have come to Him. I often wonder if I have moved to the place of "not feeling."

I know in my church that there is much to be done and yet I have held on for relationship's sake, despite the fact that so many relationships are one sided, giving them me and me with nothing that is visibly helping me.

I have watched people make all the "me" choices and now I wonder. Is that tsunami of God that so many have spoken about a double edged sword?

I walked in a church on Sunday and I "smelled" smoke. Not just any smoke but the smoke of a forest fire. I spoke to the pastor and he we talked about the changes that had taken place in his church in the last year or so. (Unfortunately, I would say, I also "set" the fire in my last speaking engagement there a few years ago.) But, what if this forest fire is still burning somewhere else, in another church? What happen if the time is readying for a clearing out of the dead woods of religion and tradition? What if the church isn't ready? I am not talking about revival here, I am talking about repentance. And what if there is none? Is it possible these are the days of "Ananias and Sapphira?" Or the days of Ichabod? How many know the truth even as they read these words and still allow for tradition and religion and legalism to be there?

There is a sound I have heard recently. A smell I have smelled. A thought I have "seen before." am I ready? Are you ready?

Some of us have just plain given up. Quit. Called it done. I know the feeling. I have cried "MARANATHA NOW!"

But I suspect there is one final change coming. A tsunami, a fire, an earthquake.
And then it will be done. The warnings are here. Will WE heed?

What a day

2004-12-23T15:42:00.000-08:00

The NJ state police want tour bank account or whether will subpoena our bank records and our eBay accounts. Why? We sold an ambulance we had purchased to a man from Texas. We told them in advance that they needed to register it. They didn't. They decided to drive an ambulance through NY City. With a video camera. They were driving around NYC filming. The upshot? Pulled over by the authorities for "terroist" activities. How did we know? NBC news called us. And now the New Jersey StatePolice wants our records. Despite the fact that they already let the people go and they are on the way back to Texas.

And how did the day begin? Let's see...I am moving the warehouse to the back of the building which necessitated two large truckfuls of stuff coming down to the store. Icy roads, rain and now it's 58 degrees. The store is hard enough to keep going, without overloading at Christmas. Business has been slow. We have three buses, a Mercedes and a truck for sale that need to sell by tomorrow. My partner thinks we "missed" it.

I had three people call to tell me that they think what is going on with my exwife and my youngest children is my fault. Their mom is dying of cancer and will not live, but is it my "fault" that she has been mentally unbalanced since day 1 and that her children do not want to talk to her? They do not want to deal with her death or coming death. The friends are suggesting that I am plotting to steal the money from the few precious antiques theat might be sold. As it is, I have been paying child support to her when the kids live with me because she is too sick. And one of her friends has been "promised" all the craft stuff. Great! They can pay the kids. for people who say they are concerned I am not believing it.

And then Tina visited Alyssa. Alyssa will serve 2 weeks in jail becuase she had narcotics for sale to fund her habit. She is in the hole $1400 and she is looking at jail because she cashed a check for her real dad that was a stolen check and her dad will not make good on it. And somehow it is God's fault...according to everyone.

Add to the fact that we are supposed to go away tomorrow for the holidays and i am not very excited about it and needless to say, welcome to the holiday blues.

So today has not been a very good day. And I know God is sitting on His throne in the heavens waiting to see what the next moves will be. But I rest secure in the fact that He is a good God despite the circumstances that are in place.

This holiday 2004

2004-12-22T04:32:00.000-08:00

The last few days people have been readying for the holiday. A recent dusting of snow here have helped with the Christmas thoughts. The roads were a little icy, a little slick. (Amy says her new tires "ROCK!")

But many seem preoccupied, distracted, caught up in things. It seems to be a year where Christmas has come too soon. People's eyes are glazed over, looking straight ahead, seeing no joy.

God loves the joyless people. It opens the door for Him to bring joy. He loves a people who are in darkness for it opens the door for the light to shine. He loves the demonically plagued for to Him be the glory. He even likes the dead for He is able to raise them.

I believe we are positioned for a Lazarus type of Christmas. Can you hear the booming voice of the Lord calling out, "Lazarus! Come forth!" as the people look on? But some say "Lord-you are too late." While death is hardly convenient nor timely the Lord is always right there. A very present help in a time of need.

I sense that many who read this will read it again today. God is calling for the that which has been dead for His glory. People's damaged lives, diminished towns and even regions and nations are going to come out of their "graves" in response to the words of the Lord. Those that haven't "died" will wilt, over this holiday, but the sound of the Lord is echoing through the halls of hell. That which has been locked in has been released.

Things that have hindered will fall away as the grave clothes are removed. Just watch.

As the Christmas song says, "Do you hear what I hear."

Surprising love

2004-12-20T03:49:00.000-08:00

Because of the nature of this dream, many will wonder, many will write and many will be concerned about the direction of my life. But, I have been praying to know the kiss of the Lord, as written in Song Of Solomon. To know Him in a greater way. And I think this is the beginning of His answer.

My daughter had called late last night, concerned about her mom. The dark night of the soul had begun for her in some respects. I fell asleep.

The town was nearby. The house vaguely familiar, but not the house I would have thought it to be. The man was sleeping in his bedroom. It appeared that either his wife had left him or was away. The reasons were not clear. A young lady came over. She was beautiful. Not beautiful, in the sensual way, but just beautifu. I could smell her hair, the room, everything. Very unusual for a dream. The man got up and went to the door. She had come over to tell the man about his friends home. She knew the reason it had not rented and had an idea. I sensed the man knew her sister, but did not know her. They talked for a few minutes and he reached out to her, tentatively. She responded with a kiss. The passion intensified and the man was stricken. His belief system was shattered. I thought he "was cheating on his wife." His concern was that his father and sister would find out. The intimacies of the night were more than he could imagine. His father drove in the driveway and he began to "kick" the young woman out. She resisted. At first I thought, "fatal attraction." But, she wasn't violent or rude. And then I saw the child. Somewhere, this baby with a golden face appeared near the table. Demonic, I thought. But as I watched, I saw the reality of it. This child was beautiful. Not the product of an illicit affair, but something greater.

I awoke. What kind of dream was that. It was sexual, it was beautiful, it was on the surface, not right. "God you do not give me dreams without meaning."

I began to meditate on it. Here was a man that had "lost" at love. The wrong choices, the hope against hope for a love that would never be fulfilled. This woman, at first did not bring hope, but help. And in a moment that all changed. The emptiness of his life was being filled. The searching all resolved in a few moments. I came to Christ, as the result of being a victim of an affair. As painful as it was, it drove me to Him. But, this did not look like an "affair." There was strength. When he became concerned for his father and his sister, I thought he was trying to get rid of the evidence.

Why wasn't the friend's home rented? I believe it represented the emptiness of man. The results of unfulfilled promises and the longing for peace. And I understand those at the time of Christ's birth who would have stoned Mary. They did not understand. Even Joseph struggled, thank God for his obedience. Who could understand? I was brought up without God, but I have had friends convert from other religions to be outcast by their families. Who could understand the loss of family? As I have studied discipleship, I see that one must make choices for the greater intimacies of God. For us to be one with Him(That was the outcome of this dream.) requires the relinquishing of all that we have held onto.

And the child? This child represents the hope and the future of a coming generation. A golden child. A child of God, the product of the intimacies of God.

Many will read this and perhaps write me about "sex outside of marriage" and some worse things. 10 years ago, I might have done the same. At this stage in my life, I believe that those who behold things holy will see holy.

Today's reflections

2004-12-18T14:28:00.000-08:00

Today, my wife has returned from New Orleans, a place she described as Sodom and Gomorrah. My youngest daughter, Cass is shopping with friends. Matt is with his girlfriend and Amy is visiting her mom. My youngest children's mom is near death in a hospital waiting for a nursing home to open for her. The viciousness of cancer.

Tina and I are heading to a friend's 60th birthday party. I spent most of the day in our store, Gifts Of Light, visiting with people. The interesting part of the day, was a man who is 67 years old telling me how he discovered jazz after all these years and is now doing a radio program.

The final week before Christmas and only one person left to shop for-yowee! Amy-the hardest one.

Tina's daughter Alyssa was sentenced to two weeks in jail for possession of narcotics and 2 years probation. I have to admit I was really shocked that they put her in jail. Two children....

This morning I read the news. A 17 year was arrested for lewd and lascivious conduct with a minor of 13 years old. A felony. Yet, I sat there and thought we allow 13 year olds to have abortions without their mother or father's permission, obviously stating sex is ok at 13. So, why wouldn't he have thought this was right.

It just leads me to believe that we will have to stand up for what is right or see our freedoms, our liberties and our beliefs relinquished to those that will.

Choices

2004-12-17T04:36:00.000-08:00

I fell like God has given so many examples of what choices are. The house on sand or the house on rock, the bearing of good or evil fruit and the wide or the narrow gates. Certainly there are more, but I think you and I understand that there is a vast difference between good and evil. But lately, I have encountered many people caught up in the "New Age" and they make choices between good and God. For years I have spoken about good being the enemy of excellence. Choices. What are they? I would define them as selections laid before you(Or as a friend says, "fanning the options.") and you get to pick. But sometimes when I have options I want someone else to make the choice(Preferably God!) because otherwise I feel like a dog with two bones...I can't make up my mind! (Hey, give me a break...the old Lee would have opted for one of each-let me tell you about my collection of matching paisley shirts in 7 different colors!)

Whatever the choice is, you can be sure it will dictate a pathway to another door. For years I heard people pray for open or closed doors. That is great when we are immature(Either in the spirit or in the natural.), but sooner or later God requires you to begin choosing according to wisdom. Isn't it interesting that we want to be "free," but we want God to make the choices. There whole purpose of being free and being a free moral agent is that you get to choose.

Years ago a fellow pastor and I talked about teaching a class in the church on common sense and manners. Yesterday, I spoke to another pastor who had taught life skills in the world and I commented and said "when do you teach it to the church?" We need to allow the wisdom of God to invade our life. It is free for the asking says the book of James. People outside the church think the church has no common sense in many cases. That we blindly make decisions with "God on our mind" and then when it goes sour we have no excuse, except "God will forgive me." The more I work in the world, the more I see the need for a revelation of wisdom and an understanding of help from one another.

For years it was the word, the word, the word. And then we had a new move and it was the Spirit, the Spirit, the Spirit. How about this generation do both. I believe in the ground shaking moves of God with nobody standing. But I believe in the preparations of the heart and the disciplines of our lives(Why do we think "discipline" is a 4 letter word?). Otherwise the world is right when they think any Christians are flakes. Every life ought to revolve around situations, disciplines and the moves of the Spirit. Not just one or two of those things.

We the people of God, are to manifest the Kingdom of God, but we are so afraid to talk about Jesus (And yet not afraid of exciting rides!) that we have become Christian ghettos. Rarely an outsider coming in and fewer and fewer Christians going out.

We are to be reclaiming what the New Age has stolen and false religions are practicing. These things are choices. You and I are setting the world up for our children and our children's children. The very decisions I make today have eternal values.

Letting my children make decisions that are wrong, or letting them get away with rebellions will only cause further decisions to be reduced to nothingness. So often I will point out to my children people who have made bad decisions and the importance of not making the same decisions. I use real life people for my examples, often people they know. And say do you see what "being unequally yoked" can do? Do you see what not loving your children can do? Do you see what no discipline means because a parent thinks "it's cute" can do to your life.

I am considering a real life class. A friend of mine was published in a national magazine as saying "how is it we can make a team come together in 16 weeks(In the Marines.), but the church often struggles year after year.?

Choices...what are you choosing today?

Last decisions

2004-12-15T07:32:00.000-08:00

Yesterday the decision was made for my former wife to go to a nursing home for her final days here on earth. Two children(17 & 18)are forced to live their lives without their mom. My daughter Cass said, "I thought she would be there to see her grandchildren." Just writing it brings tears to my eyes.

I never intended for our marriage to go wrong back then. Bad choices, a lot of pain and some serious situations outside of us, brought the marriage to an end. I waited 3 1/2 years for her return. Then she announced she was marrying someone else.

How has the decision affected our lives as a "family?" For me, it brought a new wife and 2 step children, a calling from God and many positive changes. For her, her relationships always seemed to end unsuccessfully.

What is it we can tell our kids? Is it reasonable for us to tell them "go ahead and do it" or "be happy" at the expense of hurting others? My life as a child was a very self serving life. Because of that I had many damaged relationships, hurts and fears. Why would I encourage others to go a path of "if it feels good, do it?"

My hope is that my children see the truth, that frequently questionable decision bring about more questions, along with a world of hurts.

Shake, Rattle and Roll

2004-12-15T03:44:00.000-08:00

"Shake, rattle and roll!"

That is what I am seeing happening. Positioning by the Father. But I also see a resistance to it. "I don't wanna go. I don't wanna 'die'" Years ago there used to be a song and one of the lines was "Please Mr. Custer, I don't wanna die."

Abraham-the man of great blessing. How did he get blessed? According to Genesis and the book of Romans, he left. He went to where God was blessing. Everywhere I go I sense the positioning of God. For years I have heard "God can bless anything." I believe that. But I am not so small minded that God is the "chess player" of the skies just letting His pieces roll wherever they want.

There is a move in the body of Christ, a divine positioning by the Lord Himself. God has tired for years to get us to be where He is blessing and now it appears He is just moving us. Imagine that! It is almost as if He, God Himself "thinks" He can do anything...(So why don't we?)

And what of those who resist? I have to be honest when I say, I am not sure I want to think about this. I read in the book of 1 John, that intimacy with God is being obedient to His Commandments. Jesus said to "teach them my commandments." Did you know there are over 100 commandments that Jesus pointed out? They range from repent to follow me.

Surely intimacy with God is the purest place of divine position.

But what of the resisters? For years repentance was preached and people conformed on the outside, but many did only that. Repentance is a heart action. And many resisted the hard handedness of this. There was a wave of the love of God and His love towards us. And many caught that and embraced it. But it to had it's difficulties in "it's" presentations and presenters. And so many forgot that repentance was necessary to growing in Christ. Now, it appears that God is moving the people, in His final effort to get everybody on the same page. He is cleaning up the church, tipping the tables and allowing the "fall" of the money changers.

Are you and I listening to the sound of the positioning? Are we hearing the pieces moving? God gave His talents and nature to the church. Jesus gave His gift of what many call the fivefold(Though maybe it is only a four fold with that pastor-teacher thing.) and the Spirit the moving gifts of the church. Many know they have these but have kept them wrapped up in the box. (At church someone gave me a package that says "HO HO HO" and I joked about it being out of Isaiah (HO). But one day I studied the box and I realized that if you turned it upside down the gift wrap said "OH OH." And I realized not opening the box was an Oh Oh.")

"Please Pappa God-I don't want to die." That is how people feel. If I go, I am dead. Welcome to Galatians 2:20. God is making a final call for the church to "Allow" itself to be cleaned up. It requires "dead men."

And if I resist the cry of God to repent of my sins and really turn away, not only am I standing in the way of revival but I am endangering my life. Sin is an epidemic in the church, but the good news is "Mr. Clean" is here in the form of God Himself to present that pure and spotless bride.

I have long thought about how my life in AA, NA and that unusual group, GA(Not Gamblers Anonymous, but Groups Anonymous for those of us addicted to groups.) birthed from the Bible and frequently has a better handle on many of the things the church said but doesn't(didn't) do. We were taught go anywhere, follow, your sponsor and do what it says. Amazing!!!

Follow me. Go into all the world. Repent of your sin. Simple. The positioning of God. He is just trying to get you to a place, as He did Abraham where you can receive all the blessings.

If you will quit.

2004-12-09T05:48:00.000-08:00

Even as I write this, I am reminded of a past I left.

Last night I sat in the ER with my wife, Tina, as she was being tested for a possible heart attack. The possibility was a heart attack, but they have since narrowed it down to a possible clot in the lung or more likely a gall bladder that needs to be removed. Hopefully today we will know(or it will have somehow be ok!) after some more testing.

The reason for remembering my past...
Three weeks ago Monday a light was visible in my room and a voice said this; "If you will quit ministering, I will leave you and your family alone."

And I am not proud of this, but I did not share it with any one for a week. Because in all honesty, it was "under consideration." The lies flooded my headed about how little impact had been made in our ministry, etc. It would have been easy to justify. But, then something weird happened. A young man came in the store and subsequently I brought him over to church. The upshot was, he asked for God to heal him. A very personal healing. I prayed for him. The next day this unbeliever came in to see me and said "Praise God , my ___ has been healed!" I realized I must share that with someone simply for accountability. And did.

Seeing my wife in the bed with IV's and tubes and monitors brought back the reality of our existence here. And what the "light" had promised.

I am simply holding on to the promises of God. Sometimes not as quietly as I should. I am digging out of the business mistakes that happened over the summer. We are still dealing with difficulties of my former wife and her cancer and the children. The issues with the house and the missed information by our lawyer. BUT, I know, that a promise of the devil will never be fulfilled. And the promise of God is simply that...the promise of God.

Seeing things turn.

2004-12-01T04:30:00.000-08:00

When I first moved to Springfield, who would have thought life would turn out the way it has in recent days.

Yesterday, I spent much time with a young black man, who had seen his life turned upside down. The job, the relationship, the home he thought he would have didn't turn out that way. As he visited me in our storefront church, I realized that his anger towards the unseen, mirrored an anger that I had housed many years ago. The recent hanging suicide death of a young mom had brought those very same feelings to the forefront. What changed for me in that storefront 15 years ago? What did I do with those hopeless feelings?

What is 49 years has to offer? Only yesterday, my former wife was told by the doctors,that chemo was not helping her. That essentially, short of a miracle of God, her life was closing out. What is the value of our life? Certainly, not to be hopeless.

And that is my recent cry. For quality to be vevery part of our life. To do our best not only to enjoy quality, but to create quality through the decisions and actions we make and take.